If I've said this to you in the past, then please over-look it. I see so many LBH's apologizing to the WAW. I read threads where the LBH is talking about his WAW being able to trust him again! But here's my take on it......the majority of LBH's are looking for something from the WAW. I mean, he gets desperate to see the slightest thing. Maybe his WAW has a unique talent of making him appear guilty and blame him for her walking out. (This is true in many cases.) I think the LBH should realize his part of the M breakdown. But.....I also think that most H's go to the WAW and apologizes b/c he is hoping with all his heart that it will stir some type of emotion from her, or at least hear her give him a few positive words regarding his apology.
I know,.....most LBH's say the same thing you've said. At first, they say it makes them feel better and that they did it for themselves, yada, yada. (Not making light of you when I say yada, yada.) But after a few more days of not seeing any change in her....then he finds himself, once again, in despair. He is trying to fix what's broken, but she interprets it as him trying to fix her! It is b/c he's trying to force something from her, and when she doesn't come across then he gets very frustrated. So, it's a merry-go-round. I guess the LBH cannot see this, and maybe he's convinced himself of the "reasons", but I think he's fooling himself.
Can you say that you were not a little bit frustrated by her lack of interest? I mean, it's not everyday you make a point to apologize for your behavior, is it? Couldn't she have appreciated your effort? These are the things I'm talking about.
Changing the subject from that....I want to point your attention to something else. When she made the decision to leave the M, she took herself out of your protection as her H. You must stop trying to rescue her. Also, no more "reminding" her of what she needs to do. She is not your child, and as hard as it will be to discipline yourself....she needs to see what her life will be without you. But, you have to realize this within yourself. Don't opperate from fear. That is no way to live.
Can you go the entire weekend without contacting her? You will think of all kind of excuses, but unless it is a matter of life & death......would you really need to contact her?
What I'm saying is that you will have to face some more truths about yourself in this separated state. Any form of pursuit will push her away. You don't believe that, do you? That's b/c fear is making your decisions. You are afraid of stopping the contacts and think you need to pursue. Just the opposite is true for a WAW.
Has her brother said anything more about trying to get her to a doctor?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
