What to do when nothing is working

[liz_palmer]

Okay so I updated a couple days ago(still not posted) but I have another update (that I hope will be posted before my 12 yr old graduates high school).

Two days after we arrived home from our family reunion I was outside vacuuming my car when my husband walked up to me and asked me if I still loved him. I responded that I did indeed still love him and returned the question to him. He responded that he 'thinks' he loves me. I smiled at him and told him that I KNOW he loves me. He said he told his OW the day before that he was coming home and going to work on his marriage. He said he knew he had hurt me and I told him that yes I had been hurt by the whole thing but that we stood in front of a preacher 19 years ago and promised for better or for worse. We spoke a few more minutes - he told me that he had cosigned on an apt for the OW because she couldn't qualify on her own. I took the admission as it was intended and didn't get mad just told him to keep in mind that if she got mad enough she could screw us good. I had to go to work for a few hours and when I returned we talked about the OW some more. He said he spoke to her while I was gone and tried to apologize to her for some perceived promises he made to her but she was too angry to listen. He was upset that he had hurt so many people, me included. He admitted that she wasn't just the friend he kept trying to tell me she was, he admitted that she was manipulative and a couple other things. He also told me that she is the one who helped him to come home (tho not her intention, I'm sure). She apparently told him that if he was going to divorce his wife he should just go and do it that he had to be causing me a tremendous amount of pain by doing nothing. But, she told him, be prepared to jump through hoops because your wife is going to make you walk the line in order to come back. He told me he didn't think I would make him jump through hoops and took a chance.

Today he is at work again. I called him a bit ago and asked him how he was doing. He said he was doing okay that he was listening to music (truck driver that used to pass the time talking on phone with OW). I asked how it went with her this morning (they work together) and he said neither spoke a word to the other. He said she sent him a facebook message that she wanted to meet with him the next day when he got back but thinks she just wants a face to face with him to try to change his mind. I asked him flat out have you made your decision or will she be able to persuade you to change your mind and he told me there was nothing she could do to change his mind.

I'll let you know more as I know it myself. BTW - our 19th anniversary is in 11 days.

Liz