When does the anxiety end

[ClingingToHope]

You don't have to be the angry divorced guy. She can't turn you into that. You can choose to be that. If you stay the angry divorced guy then your sons suffer. They may not say much now, but 20 years from now you want them sitting down and remembering how their dad kept his chin up and became a happier person.

They will be men. Odds are 1 if not 2 of them are going to go through this. You want them to remember that you didn't let this beat you.

I think about my dad a lot now. The good and the bad. He fell off the wagon without my mom and eventually drifted out of my life because of DUIs. I don't want that to happen to me. He also never sad a bad word about my mom even as she drifted from man to man looking for the love that she gave up willingly. I want that to be me.

The control thing? I am not very religious, but I have been going to church a lot more. Part of it is the fact it has 6,000 members and lots of different things to do and people to meet.

When I have a free Friday, I go to the Celebrate Recovery ministry. I originally thought it was just for alcoholics and drug addicts. But it's for people who are addicted to anger or are co-dependent on someone else for their well being.

The big thing they preach is that life is unmanageable. We all have hopes and dreams and most of those go unrealized. Who's life really goes according to plan.

I was always trying to control everything, plan everything out, make sure everything worked out in my favor. I had to learn to let go. I can't MAKE someone love me. I can't physically reach in her head and flip a switch.

Man, that's a tough thing. I was a romantic growing up. I figured if I did the right things -- don't abuse someone, stay faithful, help around the house and with kids -- that I'd find someone and we'd stay married forever.

That didn't happen and life goes on.

The beginning of the Serenity Prayer is perfect:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I still, on a daily basis, get swept up in some reverie and down moments and wishing life was like it was before. Those are less than before. I get up from my desk and take a 10 minute walk around downtown and sing to myself -- "Something Great is Going to Happen To Me."

I made that up myself and it helps.

And I do all of this without medicine. The strongest thing I've taken is St. John's Wort, and that's really just for the placebo effect.