It sounds like you're starting to head in the right direction. I really think LRT is the way to go for you right now.
Good luck with your job interview!
Thanks. Job interview went well. The place does want to hire me on but I'm not sure it's going to work out. The place is half an hour away in another state. All the gas driving an hour a day in the traffic along with getting taxed in two states might not be a good thing. Only upside is they work a lot of overtime. Which I don't really want a lot but I need they money. I do though have another job interview on Friday close by.
Yes I am going to do my best to get the LRT working for me. It's as it says my last resort. At this point I don't have anything to lose really. I need to prepare myself either way
I got to get back to the real me. The man she married was strong and confident. I remember I felt good about myself back then. I want to feel that way again.
I did as a I said I went jogging earlier..smoker's lung is not a good thing! lol trying to drop some of the weight I've picked up over the last few months. Didn't get a haircut I suddenly want to do something completely different with it outside of just my standard cut just don't know what yet
I'm not strong enough to stay away Can't run from you I'd just run back to you Like a moth I'm drawn into your flame You say my name but it's not the same You look in my eyes I'm stripped of my pride And my soul surrenders And you bring my heart to its knees
And it's killing me when you're away And I wanna leave And I wanna stay And I'm so confused So hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain And I know it's wrong And I know it's right And even if I tried to win the fight My heart would overrule my mind And I'm not strong enough to stay away
I'm not strong enough to stay away What can I do I would die without you In your presence my heart knows no shame I'm not to blame 'Cause you bring my heart to its knees
If I've said this to you in the past, then please over-look it. I see so many LBH's apologizing to the WAW. I read threads where the LBH is talking about his WAW being able to trust him again! But here's my take on it......the majority of LBH's are looking for something from the WAW. I mean, he gets desperate to see the slightest thing. Maybe his WAW has a unique talent of making him appear guilty and blame him for her walking out. (This is true in many cases.) I think the LBH should realize his part of the M breakdown. But.....I also think that most H's go to the WAW and apologizes b/c he is hoping with all his heart that it will stir some type of emotion from her, or at least hear her give him a few positive words regarding his apology.
I know,.....most LBH's say the same thing you've said. At first, they say it makes them feel better and that they did it for themselves, yada, yada. (Not making light of you when I say yada, yada.) But after a few more days of not seeing any change in her....then he finds himself, once again, in despair. He is trying to fix what's broken, but she interprets it as him trying to fix her! It is b/c he's trying to force something from her, and when she doesn't come across then he gets very frustrated. So, it's a merry-go-round. I guess the LBH cannot see this, and maybe he's convinced himself of the "reasons", but I think he's fooling himself.
Can you say that you were not a little bit frustrated by her lack of interest? I mean, it's not everyday you make a point to apologize for your behavior, is it? Couldn't she have appreciated your effort? These are the things I'm talking about.
Changing the subject from that....I want to point your attention to something else. When she made the decision to leave the M, she took herself out of your protection as her H. You must stop trying to rescue her. Also, no more "reminding" her of what she needs to do. She is not your child, and as hard as it will be to discipline yourself....she needs to see what her life will be without you. But, you have to realize this within yourself. Don't opperate from fear. That is no way to live.
Can you go the entire weekend without contacting her? You will think of all kind of excuses, but unless it is a matter of life & death......would you really need to contact her?
What I'm saying is that you will have to face some more truths about yourself in this separated state. Any form of pursuit will push her away. You don't believe that, do you? That's b/c fear is making your decisions. You are afraid of stopping the contacts and think you need to pursue. Just the opposite is true for a WAW.
Has her brother said anything more about trying to get her to a doctor?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have apologized for several things during the course of our marriage. The times I have apologized to her my apology never got much of a response from her and I honestly really wasn't expecting any kind of emotional response here either. Would have one been nice..sure..but I didn't expect one. I didn't really find it frustrating that I didn't get one though. Maybe that comes later? I dunno but that really doesn't bother me though at this point. Only part that bothered me was the divorce talk and I think that would be normal for anyone. Which of course the normalcy is one thing supposed to be trying to avoid I guess.
I'm sure there are several other things I have done wrong as well. 31/2 years of marriage were both still learning about marriage and each other. I would like to know what else I did wrong and I know I still got quite the journey ahead of me.
Protecting her is one of the issues I have. I have always been the "fixxer" in our relationship so to speak. As she has said I have had to hold her hand a great deal in our relationship through many obstacles. Her parents death, depression,self esteem issues..etc.. Her family in the past has said I'm the first person who has been able to keep her somewhat balanced. I do worry that without me there I won't be able to keep her from self destructing. That's a big problem I do have is just letting go and letting her learn on her own. I will admit that 200%.
You have hit the nail on the head there I have had several things I have contacted her about in the past that I could have figured out on my own and that is another thing I have to break myself of. It's one of the challenges that I am facing.
I know fear is making a lot of decisions for me at this point and I'm trying to figure out how to conquer it. It's a difficult task to say the least. I've started trying to keep myself busy like most of this evening I have spent time trying to rearrange the house more and figuring out what things I can get rid of to help make the bills a little easier.
She was here a little while ago actually. She text me and asked if I could come pick her up because she needed to get food for her cat and since her brother still doesn't have his gas turned on she wanted to shower over here. Which was fine by me. While she was here I finished cleaning my bearded dragon's tank up. I keep her cat because her brother is allergic. So she showered,picked up a few small items to take back over to his house. I didn't follow her around while she was getting things I stuck to the main room and just let her do her own thing.
One thing that was hard for me is typically when she is texting I'll ask who she's talking too but I bit my tongue and didn't ask. I'm sure she was looking for me to say something considering she did it right next to me a couple of times and would check her phone periodically.
We did though have a nice conversation without mentioning our relationship or the divorce and just talked normally. I did manage to be happy for the time we was together. I wasn't faking it either. of course the reason I was happy was because she was here and I need to start finding ways to be happy even when she's not here.
Oh yah and she did ask me to remind her on Saturday to pick up some cat litter. She said she didn't have the money to pick it up right now. I keep her cat because her brother is allergic. She said she should be around but she may go stay at one of her friend's house. I don't know if that was said to see what kind of reaction I gave to it. I just said oh ok I'll shoot you a text Saturday then and we'll see where were sitting on that. She better get that cat some litter or it's going to be doing it's business in a litterless box! lol
Has her brother said anything more about trying to get her to a doctor?
Unfortunately no he hasn't. He just recently announced to his own wife that he wanted a divorce. So she is moved out now. he broke the news to his kids the other night. Then he decided he missed them so he went and asked his wife to move back. She didn't agree to it but instead said they should take it slow. So he's been preoccupied trying to get his life together which is understandable.
Another night that I could hardly sleep. Sleeping pills just aren't strong enough it don't seem. Got up several hours ago,pulled my hair back and took the dogs for a walk at the park. Little fatties need to lose some weight! My big boy was huffing and puffing before we got to the first curve lol So I stood at the pond in the park for a few minutes and let him catch his breathe and watched the turtles and ducks. Came home and someone I used to work with text me that her live in boyfriend has gall stone and that his gall is diseased? has to be removed. Tired of getting knots in my stomach. Kind of come and go.
BIL called to update me on his situation. Saying he doesn't anticipate his wife moving back in anytime soon but he found another roommate to help out him and my wife with their rent. He said they are on the verge of getting kicked out of their duplex but with a 3rd roommate to help out he's hoping his landlord will allow them a little more time. They are supposed to be moved out by the 3rd otherwise. He then told me that my wife removed her facebook "married" status. I told him I don't need all the updates like that right now and just want to focus on myself. I have enough to deal with right now like figuring out how to pay my rent this month since my wife left me in quite the predicament.
I go here in a little bit for another interview and take a forklift certification test which will open up more jobs to me hopefully.
Told my mom I would come over at some point today. My dad is wanting to see me. His health and mind are declining so fast that I can hardly recognize him anymore. We used to have long serious talks about things and now his mind is gone enough that we can only have short simple talks. it's depressing really.
Top post sandi, all of it 180's for hollowed and what is needed. I was the fixer also, but right from the start I realised that she is on her own journey.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
