But, as of late I am really struggling with this OW thing. I go to bed thinking of her and wake up thinking of her.
I wonder how long hehas been plannning this? DOes he love her? Yuck. So unlike him which seems like a common thread in MLC. And just all the lies that went into this whole "realtionship" thing with her!!
Life,
There are a lot of common themes in MLC and there are a lot of differences. Each MLC is unique to the person having it.
That being said...
OP is a very common denominator.
Them being very different from the person you have known is also very common.
As well as lying, detatching from family and friends, spending, drinking (although that sounds like it has been an ongoing issue)...
Why are these things common?
Because our S's are trying to find things that allow them to forget about the pain they are feeling. They find things that make them happy in the short term.
They lie because they don't want us to know what they are doing...
Personally, I think there are many reasons for the lying...including shame, guilt, wanting their freedom, not wanting to hurt us but knowing they have or will...
Reading the resources and threads is great because it will help you understand a bit more what you are dealing with...
I caution trying to "fit" your MLCer into any "stage"...Those are more guidelines than anything to describe different behaviors, however, they can overlap and most do not follow a "timeline".
You are giving the OW more power than she is worth IMO...
Comparing yourself to her, is like comparing apples and bananas.
They just don't go together.
Learn about MLC, learn about yourself, think about the things he has said to you, about you and the M, see what you agree with and work to change those things about yourself.
Don't try to become like her to try to bring him back or wake him up...
It won't work.
Keep posting here.
There are many good people who will post and help you along the way.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
