XYZ is here, but I won't be staying...

[XYZ]

Trying to find the balance between dim & no pursue and just a little bit as w is now interested in piecing - but no pressure and slow....

I have the kids tomorrow night. Sent TM to W: "if you don't have other plans, you are welcome to join kids and I tomorrow for pizza night".

Her: "I may have plans tomorrow, how about tonight?"

me: "Sounds good"

I took that as a really good interaction. I made a no-pressure offer, she had plans, but came back with an offer. I think that's great. Same plan for me as the other day - no pressure, no R talk, just fun and attractive.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I agree X.

I do not want to be the cold water in your shower.

She has a lot to prove to you still. Right?

Do not remove those burdens of proof because you become hopeful/excited/desirous.

When this all starts the hard parts are: dettaching, GALing, coming to terms, working on ourselves.

In Piecing, I guess I'd say that hardest part for me was: not letting my hope outpace her abilities to move forward.

Whenever I did I got burned.
Which I quickly learned...was my fault. Not her telling me that, me realizing that.

Pacing; is critical.

[direction1]

"I guess I'd say that hardest part for me was: not letting my hope outpace her abilities to move forward."

Really like that Jack. I hop I'll be able to join the piecing group eventually. X-take your own advice and also build off of your successes. Happy for you..

[XYZ]

I couldn't agree more. She needs to prove just as much to me as I do to her. I am hopeful/excited/desirious, but not in a rush and I don't want to be looking forward to piecing round #3. Would rather do it slow and right this time....

[XYZ]

WoooooooooooooHooooooooooooooo!

Had dinner with kids and W. At start of dinner, W reaches under the table and grabs my hand. She places my ring in my hand. When I look at it, she says "will you put that back on please?". I replied "do you have yours on?" She shows me. I wait. I say to her, "I want to do that, but I need to know a few things first. First, if I put this back on, I need to know that I'm never taking it off again. And second, I will work as hard and for as long as necessary for us to repair this, but the only thing I won't do is do it alone. You have to be just as committed and I need to believe that."

We sent the kids to play video games within eye distance, but out of hearing distance and talk for about the next hour. I'll jump to the punch line....I'm wearing my ring tonight for the first time in over 2 months. It feels as good as the first time I put it on 9 years ago.

Other topics:

(1) I told her that I insist on marriage counseling and I will not move home until we are well on our way to reconciliation. She was fine with that.

(2) I told her that I would not resume a sexual relationship with her until I felt like there was emotion behind it and not just physical thing. She agreed. (how's that for role reversal- talk about a 180!)

(3) She declared, multiple times that "she's committed." We agreed that we have lots of work to do but we both want to do the work. We also agreed that slow and steady is way better than fast and shoddy.

Long road ahead, but I have a full-blown PARTNER. I'M PIECING! For real this time!

I'm at my place and I can't stop smiling......

[MynameisMZ]

;-)

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Well, you're not the only one smiling X. : )

Thats a big change from the way you started this thread.

Now all you have to do is: Strive. Work, and never forget the lessons learned.

[XYZ]

Thanks, J3B. Your help has been worth it's weight in gold. Hard to believe I started this thread that way only 2 weeks ago...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Lots can change, usually starting with attitude.

Don't get me wrong, and please, please do not think this will be easy, it won't be.

Times when I fought/argued with my wife, when I had to take a deep breath and reign myself in. I could see how continuing down would be like jumping off a cliff with glee in my eyes and hate in my mouth.

It took alot of self control to take control of emotion and remember how to actually communicate.

as for the beer?

: )

I appreciate it. Sometimes its the thought that counts.

[Harrier]

X
I know the road will be a challenge. But I am glad you kept your heart and mind open to your W. Jack was right (as Doc Brown would say "the future is unwritten" ;-) )