Hi. I am new to this forum. My husband of almost 20 years dropped the bomb on me on May 15, 2011. I had found a picture of a girl on his cell phone and confronted him. He said he hadn't been unfaithful, but that he was seriously thinking about it, and then the ILYBINILWY came out. I was in shock. I didn't yell or cry. I hyperventilated a bit, but not much else in the way of emotion came out. He cried. He said he hasn't been happy with himself or us in a while and needed space. He said he wanted to move out but I reminded him we couldn't afford that. He's in the guest room now. I forgave him. I told him he was still my best friend. He said I'm still his best friend, and that he still thinks I'm wonderful, a great mom, yada yada yada.
We talked again a week later after he had been out "with friends" that previously never existed in his life. He reiterated how unhappy he was ( I was a bit more emotional in this discussion) and that he had tried to talk to me over the years but I was difficult to talk to. He also said he wanted me to initiate sex more than I did. I asked him when I could have done that since he was always either busy with work or tired from work. No answer. He said things had happened to him in his life that he had to deal with alone. He cried about not being nicer to his grandmother (who died almost 20 years ago). It was weird.
We had a rough couple of weeks since then. No real R talks (I began reading on MLC almost immediately after this all came out). I've tried to keep my emotions to myself (not easy) and am seeing a counselor. The C thinks I had PTSD (from 9/11) and that I got "lost" in my marriage. I am working on my issues. In the last week, things with H are oddly better, but he is still distant and occasionally talks about leaving. I am so confused by all of this, and hope and despair play tug of war with me.
We have been married 20 years, 3 kids S14, D11, S8.
