Today is our anniversary. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I really feel so broken inside. You have the right to feel broken. But that feeling doesn't make it a fact. For the times that you felt close and loving, I say "Cheers".
I was reading 2step's post, and it opened my eyes to a lot of things.
It was the quote from sad_but_happy that made me realize I have been operating out of fear.I don't want the foundation of anything in my life to be built out of fear. Yes, good for you.^^^ When you operate in fear, you are NOT operating in faith. Sidenote...your h has a lot of fear too. WASs have fears we don't know about but they are real.
I feel like I've put up with a lot of things these past 4 months because I've been so terrified of rocking the boat. I have been so scared of D that I have given him permission to treat me and my kids like he has. He hasn't been cruel, but he hasn't been present.
I deserve more, and so do they. YES YOU DO...and this realization is the first step to getting it.
I woke up to a text this morning:
"I'm not ignoring you. I just don't have anything to say. I told you how I felt and that i'm tired of hurting and also hurting you. Im sick of feeling this way inside. And I just don't know what else to do or say. Im just broken and I dont know if im fixable."
If this is how he feels, then it's how he feels. Nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try to make myself stronger.
It may take a while, but I'll et there.
He definitely wants a ton of space, and probably NC...let Him iniate and do a major back off. A MAJOR BACK OFF...
I know you will continue to gain strength. Your posts have evolved the past few months, a lot. It's nice to see if it weren't for such a lousy reason for growth.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
