H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

Journaling again and it looks like it has been quite awhile. My h has now been home for almost 7 months. WOW! Didn't think this would be where we are today. My h has stopped going to the dr. He only went three times.

We have since moved to our new home which I love. We are saving money so that is great. We've of course had a few stresses and things happen with the new house. As is expected My h handles himself very differently than he did in the past. In the past he became very upset, irritable and just plain unmanageable if he was stressed or overwhelmed. You couldn't reason or point out the "positive" to him. He seems to be really trying and is aware of his mood. That doesn't mean I don't think he is depressed still.

Not everything is perfect though. He became upset and mad about a stupid conversation at his mom's house one day back in April. He was so mad and I just didn't engage him. As a matter of fact I just left the house when it became clear he would rather sit and fester. He was gone at work that night. I said nothing to him the next morning when he came home and just went to work. No phone calls, texts or nothing that evening while he was at work the second night. The following day I took my time getting home after work. He was Obviously wondering if I was going to come home. I was ten minutes late and he was texting to find out where I was at.

Finally, in May he said he wanted to switch his phone to our account. I found this very interesting and a huge step. A few weeks earlier I had asked him to show me who was texting and he refused because it's his phone. Hmm, I just left the house for the day. I find that unacceptable. Well he tried to call and text a couple of times that day. I came home late and he was upset and he didnt know if I was alive or dead. We talked some and I stuck my ground about the phone and then he said he thought "maybe we should be divorced". Whatever. I just went to sleep and ignored him again for the next two days. He's still here and that was early May. Two weeks later he asks if i will order a new phone for him to be on a plan with him. WHAT? Does he realize I can see every person he talks/texts to?

At this point I don't believe he is talking/texting with anyone he shouldnt be. The past behavior and mannerisms aren't there. So I order the phone with his help. It arrives......we have a fun morning and I plug his new iPhone in to sync with our computer. Well wouldn't you know some text messages come through from a girl. Oh by text messages I mean photos of some girls boobs, panties and her asking him if we are still married can he come over.....WTF. I was livid. I threw his phone at him and took off on my bike. Came back and he claims it's some girl who he doesn't want texting him and he hasn't responded. Convenient answer. Well, he said he never responded because he wants to be here with me, blah, blah, blah. I was angry the rest of the day.

I know I shouldn't but I have checked his Facebook and phone records. There is nothing. Nothing to cause any concern. We went on a cruise with my parents at the end of May. It was so much fun. My h said that the exercise we were doing was helpful for his depression. I believe that. He was in a great mood and his whole attitude has been good. He is actually being the h I need and deserve. There are of course things I'm being patient about.

I'm definitely optimistic that my h has seen the light and figured out that his wife isn't to blame for his personal problems. We will see. I still constantly think that he might not come home or that he is being deceptive. But, I'm trying to trust and just let myself work through my own personal heeling.