Dazed and confused...

[lstincali22]

Thank you all for wishing me luck, it's appreciated. I figured i would try responding to each of you below

Hi Sandi2
Thanks for the welcome and the response. As far as I know she is no longer conducting an A. That is a line she knows I will not allow to be crossed, If I found out she was still having an A I would file for divorce no questions asked.
Her behavior is not really consistent in my eyes. Currently she seems kinda dead, or more like I’m a ghost. We communicate quite well when it comes to our kids. Sometimes when we are in a room together she can still joke around, laugh and just talk about work or whatever comes up. As an example, I had a bad day yesterday and it continued after I got home, I decided to go for a walk and just let my mind wander a bit. As I left the house I said, “See you guys later, I’m going for a walk.” Walked out of the house and started walking down the street. Next thing I know, I see her walking down the street behind me trying to catch up, when she caught up, she asked me why I was so angry. I explained things to her, and she was very understanding. I was shocked that she actually came after me. Usually she is the one going for the walk and I ask if she would like company. The usual response is “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter to me.”
She does work a full time job she brings in about a third of the income that I bring in. It is possible for her to save money; I’m just not sure if she really wants to.
The health thing is something I have wanted to work on for some time; I figured I should just take advantage of all the weight loss from the stress!

9- Thanks for the response and the sharing your situation. I realize that I not only have to forgive her but I really need to mean it! The thing that has really helped me is my faith in GOD. I truly believe that this is something that GOD had planned for me so that I could become the man that I am supposed to be. If I believe that, than I must believe that one of the lessons I had to learn was forgiveness. I am in a good place with that at this point.
The biggest issue I currently see is my W has not forgiven herself. She thinks that some of the comments I make at time are jabs at her that prove that I haven’t forgiven her. All I would like to do is move forward. I believe that trust is more of a decision than a process. I have to decide to trust her. The question that resonates is to what level!

Hollowed- Thanks for the response. I know for a fact that I have had a part in it, but that is it a part! I cannot control how someone else feels, so I’ll own my part in it and try to help her build up her self- confidence.
Young- thanks for the response. I have come to the conclusion that at any given time I am doing the best I possibly can based on circumstances and the knowledge I have at that moment. As for being hard on myself, hindsight is 20/20, if I just would have handled things a bit differently I may have been in a better place right now with my relationship but then I have to refer myself back to the 2nd sentence! Vicious cycle!
I have forgiven myself; it’s the only way for me to be focused on true personal growth!
I regularly do thing with my kids. My children have been the center of my universe for years! As a matter of fact, I think that there has been a major imbalance overall. I mentioned the things that I am doing for myself that I was not taking care of before.
I regularly invite her to do things with us but it is hit and misses. I try not to pressure her and its getting easier not to, the one that puts pressure on her is S9, and he is the sensitive one who adores doing things as a family.
I’ll put that book on my list; will be the next one I read.

Forrest- Still here, I hadn’t received any responses and work has been hectic- 10hr days with 1.5 hr commute each way, I’ll be checking in more often.