The show goes on

[RedNailPolish]

Yes you are correct - I am ACTING as if I am patient. If Im true to myself, which you need to be during this whole process, I am infact one of the most impatient people I know. Hence the ACTING as if. Fake it till you make it right! But I think Im doing ok. I dont contact at all. And to be honest Ive only been at it for a few months, so Im not going to beat myself up for being there yet. Time is my friend afterall. And if I look at my sitch, Ive come along way and have achieved many things along the way – personal goals that is. And yet in the same breath I know that I still have many things that I need to achieve.

I am upbeat most of the time. The nights are the killers though. Its difficult to fall asleep some nights as thoughts run through my head. Sometimes the thoughts are positive and some are not. I try to put my STOP sign up, but they creep in.

I did backslide the other night. I found H's old phone and I turned it on. Found some email correspondence between H and OW. Made me feel ill, mad, hurt, sad. Snooping must be the dumbest thing on earth and yet we cant help but do it. But now ive done it and I know more about their relationship. Did the facts make me feel better.....uhm no. Did it make me feel worse......err yes. So lesson learned. No more snooping.

I know that OW isnt going to let H go easily. She and he are "in love" afterall. And Im sure she wont hesitate to try the old "im going to kill myself" routine. I do feel a bit better that they wont be working together soon. But also realise that this will not be the deciding factor in their relationship. But it will at least end some of the ties to her.

I really appreciate your advice Al, it means so much to me.