I have been reading your thread and it seems funny how many similarities there are. I too am caring for W's cat and she is going to have to bring more litter over at some point.
I just want to point out that while you should be proud of yourself for looking in and reflecting on the role you played in things, you are absolutely not the only one who played a role. The dynamics of a relationship always have two people and I'm sure your W was playing a role that contributed to the situation continuing the way it did. Perhaps you even 'took turns' playing these roles in your own unique ways?
You talk about being jealous and controlling - I can relate. I didn't recognize the controlling thing at the time, but I do see that it was there. I also see that some of that came about because I felt out of control w/ my own life and what was happening in it, and was trying to do something about the things I did feel in control of. i'm really fond of this quote from Dr. David Schnarch "People who can't control themselves, control other people" I like to think that these behaviors are, for most of us, situational. But your awareness of it gives you a tremendous opportunity to change it and become a better person for it - you can make a conscious effort to change and probably will end up being much better off as a result.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
