ok today is the worst day ever. I dont even know how to breath right now. He came to see the boys for a half hour tonight, and we briefly talked, he agreed that is over, and actually asked if i wnated to see the new place he was going to rent, and if i had any questions since our children would be there. I started hyperventilating - honestly, I haven't broken down in front of him in over 6 months, but I couldn't help myself, this all just happend 10 minutes ago, and I still can barely breath. I knew this was going to sting, but I am clearly not coping very well at the moment. I know I am in shock right now, but I am so angry and hurt right now - and I keep asking God why this is happening, and what is so wrong with me that nobody can ever love me unconditionally and forever. I know thats ridiculous but right now in this moment, that how I feel, and I am completely and utterly falling apart, and I just feel like disappearing right now. Its always worse when my kids are at daycare or asleep - I am much stronger when they are with me b/c they remind me of how blessed I am just to have them but when I'm completely on my own, my heart really feels like its snapping in half. Im sorry for this sloppy message, but I haven't anyone really to talk to about this - not that I feel like talking - so I need to get it out somewhere, and i think i have finally hit rock bottom... How does one move on? Support - please
