I know Sandi. I know. There's a tiny part of me that still says *^*^* her. She's happily with OM and just a week ago asked me to buy her out of the house. That part of me says that I should not recognize the day at all. That would be a 180 for me. But...what would it prove?
I have the card, but I don't have to use it. I could just sent a text or do nothing. Am I really only giving her the car for my needs? Honestly, I am so emotional today, I can't figure this one out on my own.
I could just sent a text or do nothing. Am I really only giving her the car for my needs? Honestly, I am so emotional today, I can't figure this one out on my own.
to put it bluntly, yes
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Really LP? So...don't give it to her? Just send a text? I was planning on stopping by her work on my way to work and giving her the card. I was going to wear the $250 Hugo Boss shirt I just got too. Again, all for me? Wanting a reaction?
Its a very nice card BTM. If you are giving it for closure and then having no expectations , then I dont see the harm. If you can just walk away for real and not hope she comes rushing back someday because of the catalyst card.
But I suspect B, that there are alternate reasons for giving her the card.
Its your call in the end but I dont think you should give her the card based on how she has been treating you.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
This morning, I put on the Hugo Boss shirt, took the card and a pen with me and decided that I would leave it up to chance - somewhat. If her car was there when I drove past the restaurant, I would give her the card. If not, I would just keep it and maybe use it some other time. It wasn't an actual birthday card, so it could work whenever. If not, all I wasted was 5 bucks and a bit of a tree.
I have no idea what her schedule is like now, but she was there. I wrote close to what I posted earlier while sitting in the parking lot. I rang the bell for her to open the back door and was greeted with a friendly good morning. I was in a hurry to not be late for work (good thing) so I was there no more than a minute. I said "good morning" handed her the card and said "I'm in a hurry and don't want to be late" and "Happy Birthday" and that was it. I managed to not ask for a hug or anything like that. I really didn't get a chance to look at her (again - good thing), but she looked really good in a little sun dress and seemed quite happy. She did say "nice shirt". I said "thanks". I guess a $250 purple paisley (call me Prince) shirt will get some attention.
It's a good thing I was in a hurry. That stopped me from being clingy. She might see it as me feeling uncomfortable. Those of you who "know" me, are aware that now I want to call her so bad it aches. But, I won't. I don't expect her to call me today either.
Next contact will be up to her, since she is waiting for me to discuss buying her out of the house. I am going to take as long as possible on any moves that way, since financially it is better for me and the kids. And just in case she comes out of that fog......
No response from the card today - as expected. When I came home from work tonight D19 said "I love that shirt and Mom liked it too". Apparently STBX noticed the shirt enough in the minute I was there to mention it to D19. It's a little thing, but still makes me feel good. I think if the card really upset STBX, she would have said something to the kids. So..maybe it wasn't a big deal at all. Back to dark.....
I don’t blame you for giving the card actually because sometimes we just do things thinking it is showing them how much we love them when in fact all we are doing is satisfying our own needs. However I hardly see anybody walking away satisfied.
BTM you will touch the burner enough times before you realize it is hot.
It really was about satisfying my needs. I admit it. Now, I have to go back to dark and stay away from that burner.
D19 and S17 bought STBX a necklace for her bday. D19 just told me that STBX couldn't even put the necklace on by herself since her fingers were so swollen from her arthritis/lupus. She must be flaring again. I actually feel sorry for her, but will keep that to myself.
