While I have been rearranging the house for the first time since this whole thing began and no matter how many times I have read it and no matter how many times it's been said I just now am beginning to understand that I can't change her. I can only change me. Even though I have realized some stuff I had done I still hadn't truly realize the things I did to own up to it.
If she was a little late from work I would ask her what took her so long. If she was going out I'd want to go with her. Sure my intentions were to spend more time with her but that's not the point. When she spent the night at her friends I would worry if she was actually sleeping with another man and quiz her about it the next day through things like "who all was there?" "so it was just you girls?" trying to pose it as innocent questions about her night. I would say I didn't mind her going out but in reality I did. I might as well have handed her divorce papers myself and said here do yourself a favor and get rid of me now.
What do I do now? Do I ask to speak to her so I can apologize? Do I say nothing at all? Do I just let her go? Now I'm not confused as to why she left and potentially seeing someone else I'm confused on how to fix myself. I have clearly been a controlling jealous husband.
