4 months........

[lifejustgothard2]

O so sorry.

[any chance?]

Hang in there DG. This too shall pass. Keep your eye on the big picture. Be true to yourself.

[Timetotry]

C'mon DG, be strong.

Its another day. Whats the worse that can happen, him not say or do anything? No different than other days lately.

Maybe its a message for YOU in some way. Perhaps to drop the rope or hang in there longer, only you can answer.

Its one day and in one other day things can be different. I know no ones words can really decrease the pain though.

And for that, I am sorry.

[dcz]

DG I am sorry. That is how I feel also I know that H is going to file soon. so sorry you are down today.

[~¤DG¤~]

That is where I struggle the most.
I've always given up on everything, especially relationships.
Do I try to hang in there, or do I give up?

I cried to God on my way home from work today, telling Him I am confused and I don't know what to do.

[25yearsmlc]

That is where I struggle the most.
I've always given up on everything, especially relationships.
Do I try to hang in there, or do I give up?

Can you move on, regardless? Meaning, swim to the other side, don't look back... he can swim over to you IF and when he's ready. But you won't get anywhere constantly looking over your shoulder. You'll just stay in place and wear yourself out.


I cried to God on my way home from work today, telling Him I am confused and I don't know what to do.

No question, this is a hard time. Our 24th was spent apart and h sent me some flowers...vague "happy ann" comment.

I recall thinking "no way can i THANK him for these..."...

for the next anniversary, I begged/borrowed money and went to Italy and took my kids.

I was NOT alone, I did something I had hoped to do with h, but had my kids with me, and we had a blast. Best money I ever spent...esp since I didn't have it to spend, but you know what I mean.

You needn't do that drastic a thing but you can plan something fun to do that day so you know it'll never happen again. It helped me to know that.

It does get better.

[~¤DG¤~]

I know it does get better, and how amazing would a trip to Italy be?

Tomorrow I have to work, so it will be business as usual around here.
It's just on my mind. I won't wish him anything unless he says something to me about it first.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling----

Today is our anniversary.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I really feel so broken inside.

I was reading 2step's post, and it opened my eyes to a lot of things.

It was the quote from sad_but_happy that made me realize I have been operating out of fear. I don't want the foundation of anything in my life to be built out of fear.
I feel like I've put up with a lot of things these past 4 months because I've been so terrified of rocking the boat. I have been so scared of D that I have given him permission to treat me and my kids like he has.
He hasn't been cruel, but he hasn't been present.
I deserve more, and so do they.

I woke up to a text this morning:

"I'm not ignoring you. I just don't have anything to say. I told you how I felt and that i'm tired of hurting and also hurting you. Im sick of feeling this way inside. And I just don't know what else to do or say. Im just broken and I dont know if im fixable."

If this is how he feels, then it's how he feels.
Nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try to make myself stronger.

It may take a while, but I'll get there.

[25yearsmlc]

Journaling----

Today is our anniversary.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I really feel so broken inside.

You have the right to feel broken. But that feeling doesn't make it a fact. For the times that you felt close and loving, I say "Cheers".

I was reading 2step's post, and it opened my eyes to a lot of things.

It was the quote from sad_but_happy that made me realize I have been operating out of fear.I don't want the foundation of anything in my life to be built out of fear.

Yes, good for you.^^^ When you operate in fear, you are NOT operating in faith.
Sidenote...your h has a lot of fear too. WASs have fears we don't know about but they are real.


I feel like I've put up with a lot of things these past 4 months because I've been so terrified of rocking the boat. I have been so scared of D that I have given him permission to treat me and my kids like he has.
He hasn't been cruel, but he hasn't been present.

I deserve more, and so do they.

YES YOU DO...and this realization is the first step to getting it.

I woke up to a text this morning:

"I'm not ignoring you. I just don't have anything to say. I told you how I felt and that i'm tired of hurting and also hurting you. Im sick of feeling this way inside. And I just don't know what else to do or say. Im just broken and I dont know if im fixable."

If this is how he feels, then it's how he feels.
Nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try to make myself stronger.

It may take a while, but I'll et there.

He definitely wants a ton of space, and probably NC...let Him iniate and do a major back off. A MAJOR BACK OFF...

I know you will continue to gain strength. Your posts have evolved the past few months, a lot. It's nice to see if it weren't for such a lousy reason for growth.

[LearningPatience]

DG,
not much I can say right now that will ease your pain, but we're all here for you, today and each day that you need us.