Please help...

[AKHope]

Hi Hallowed-

basically I guess the LRT is just moving on with my life without her and at the same time hoping it works out?

First part is right. Hope can keep you sucked in and could keep you looking over your shoulder; mindreading; second guessing every thing you do.
Hope can easily slide into expectation as well.

I wish I could remember where I read it but I found the following pretty profound-

"Live as you should have all along"

Obviously, that requuires a little digging to get a better feel for how you lost sight of how to be you (who she/women find attractive) and whatever else you may have done/not done to contribute to the state of the marriage.

But that is the limit of what you can do to change the people in the marriage.

What she chooses to see in you and/or stay or not is entirely her.

I certainly don't want you to see this as giving up/conceding.

In fact, it is the opposite.

If you can get a strong, confident grip on who you really are, then things will happen as they are supposed to and FIT with who you really are.

Not to create confusion, but when I read somewhere that my marriage may not actually be what's good for ME once I learn who I really am, a lot of the fear and doubt left. It suddenly made me look at the entire situation differently.

I began my open look at myself from a natural rather than tactical perspective. My behavior followed suit.

And NOTHING is more attractive than behaving naturally. Because it's easy to do. You don't have to think about it.

I believe that THAT is the reason the LRT and GAL and 180's are encouraged. To help you break some of your old habits and tendencies (i.e. RUT) and let the WAS and the LBS see something different. And it is regimented and instructional to force you to fake it until you make it.

On that journey you will find what you like and who you are.

IMHO.

Sandi-
Has Hallowed seen the 30+ "Do's and Dont's list" you created?