WAW, Filing as Fast as Possible

[aeolianchaos]

Got back to W this morning - I thought it would be best to sleep on it before I responded.

Ended up saying No to keeping the cat for the summer. It is a big inconvenience for me, and she has never expressed any appreciation of the times that I have watched _her_ cat. She is always very eager to talk about _her_ cat and how _she_ did this or that. Never seems to acknowledge that other people were involved. It just isn't worth it to me to deal w/ the hassle.

Going to have to write a big check to the L soon for a retainer. L says that given the limited amount of assets, if I spend over 2K on this, there is something really wrong with the picture. Not looking forward to that, but grateful that I don't have children under these circumstances. Apparently things get a lot more complicated when there are children in the mix.

Meditating is getting better - I was enjoying it so much when I thought that I was the big problem, and that it was just about me getting over my burnout/anxiety/depression issues that would improve our relationship immensely. It's clear to me now, that while those problems were real, and were profoundly impacting things, they really didn't begin to deal w/ some of the bigger issues that I was not even recognizing.

It seems like day by day I'm getting better w/ all of this, and finding myself more at a point of knowing that I will be far happier in the future than I have been in the past. Its the now that gets a little sticky. Confronting myself has meant confronting issues and erroneous thoughts that I've had long before I ever met W, and the R and subsequent M did not really 'resolve' those issues so much as cover them up.

It would be good to get a dbmod bump, or something.. while the journaling is cathartic, the insights of others would be much appreciated.