MLC World, My MLC was an internal, extreme emotionally draining journey which lead me to a content peaceful place at the end. It lasted 2 1/2 years beginning to end. No OW involved. My kids did not know i was going through it. I did almost move out but chose to stay. What a great decision that was even though I couldn'lt tell you if I made it or it just happenend that way.I was lost in my own mind for a long time. You know how thay say your wife or husband was taken over by an alien. That is exactly how I felt. Like someone else was pulling the strings. I wouldn"t wish MLC on my worst enemy. All I can say is but for the grace of god I made it through. I will say as well that I wanted to make it through and put a lot of effort in that direction as well even though at times in the journey it seemed like it wouldn"t matter.
Mine lasted 2 1/2 years and my wife is approx 2 years into it. She has mentioned divorce a few times but has not filed. At this point I don"t think it matters whether she does or not. Nobody can help a person through MLC. That journey is that persons alone and noone else can make a dent in it. Thats why detaching and GAL are so important.
I hope my wife makes it through but I have tucked that away in a small compartment. I will love my wife forever but that does not mean I will end up with her. That rests in someone else's hands. At this point I don't know if there is OM. I am moving on with my life and at this point it really doesn't matter.
Yes, the alcohol has never been part of our life till all this unraveled. 20 yrs married. 3 kids bomb drop around Octoberish> Moved out middle of march. Found out about OW two weeks ago. She is a big drinker and works at the bar he frequents. I am heart broken
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process.(Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. GAL. Detach. Use the time that your W has given you as a gift to start to work on yourself.
Thanks for the list Cadet. I've been through these threads many times, but usually have to search someone elses to find it, so this will be handy indeed.
Read and have highlighted in detail Divorce Remedy shortly after the separation. It is a daily guide for me, as are many of the posts here; especially the vintage stuff by Heart Broken.
New to posting, but I'm a long term lurker of the site. Finally decided to "jump in the pool" again. First posted in Feb-11, but was too messed up and caught up in the roller coaster to really understand the magnitude of my sitch. Probably still don't understand, but why else would one choose to stand if a negative outcome were certain? We love these MLC'ers, and know it's not sane. But what can you say? +20 years of marraige, great kids, good times, sweet life, then crazy spouse. Very hard to hit the flush button on our M.
I do have a great support system of friends and family (W's included), and am rapidly piecing together a life. Hate the though of D, but know I will survive and thrive in the end. My focus is on myself and daughters. Not interested in any new R's, that's for sure! Would interfere with some very good fishing this summer and skiiing this winter! Will miss the W, but not the trout or the slopes. These simply won't wait!
You guys are all saints as far as I'm concerned. As I've said, I'm not religeous, but "there are no aethists in fox holes"!
I know how you feel amd it [censored]. The OW thing badly plays games with your head. Force out any negative thoughts. These MLC'ers are not themselves. The person you love is still in there, but from what I've read, will not come out the same in the end. Alcohol is very cruel and even worse for a depressed person like your H MLC'er. My W has even called the kids back from 20-somthing bars while partying (this has not occurred for some time). Hang on and be there for our H as long as you can, as now he may now be battling two demons.
If not for our kids, we'd go insane in this situation. Love them, hug them, and be there. I'm sure you are. Show them what it's like to be sane under insane circumstances. Tough stuff, for sure. Hate every minute of it, but relish my time with my girls. Got stuff on the BBQ and its a beautiful summer day. Tunes are playing. However, W remains silent and I'm sure whatever she's up to this evening will never be replaced my satisfaction of having a simple dinner with my kids. Good luck to them, 'cause their gonna need it!
No problem MW if you have read all these threads that I gave you my next bit of advice is to look on the resource thread for the recommended book list. The library became my new best friend as I found out how to get all these books and read them. The library can order you books from all over the country for free most of the time. I have read almost every book on that list and then some. Start with the MLC books and Jim Conway, also the depression books. Jed Diamond and Male menopause is also good for YOU!
Puzzled though. "Male Menopause" good for me? Don't feel depressed. In fact, I'm pretty squared away. Maybe I am depressed, who the F knows! Definitely was two months ago. Suggestions to look for in this reading?
MLC World, No OW involved. It was an internal battle within in my own mind. It lasted approx 2 1/2 yrs. I was close to leaving, runnimg away but did not. The mental pain was indescribable. I made it through somehow, someway "but for the grace of god" i will say. Since it was an internal battle my kids were really not affected. I still did things with them but was just not there mentally. When people say there W or H was taken over by an alien that was me. It seemed like someone else was puling all the strings and I was on the ride in a drug induced haze.
My MLC was not mild by any stretch. It was the most painfeul experience of my life so far. My W MLC is the second most painful process to go through. Even having gone through a MLC and having some empathy towards the situation it still S-%%%^&.
My W MLC is approx 2 yrs in at best guess. There is not one thing you can do to help a spouse through MLC. They have to somehow get themselves through it. It is a jorney to get through it.
I still love my wife dearly but I put that hope in a small compartment. I have detached and GAL'ed fairly well. But, we are all human. I still have bad days. They are not what they were. I feel bad for my kids because they do miss there Mom. She in no way even understands the pain she is causing. Maybe someday who knows.
You ask if OM involved. I honestly don't know. And really it doesn't matter at this point. Someday it might and would need to be forgiven. I don't think you know all your strenghts and weaknesses til your faced with actual decisions.
Hang in there MLC world. Sounds like you'll have a life with or without her and thats all you can do.
Keep an open mind MW. You know DB 101, a beginners mind.
I thought the same thing before I read the book, then I realized how much of what was written still applied to me. You know not every person that goes through menopause (male or female) is depressed. We are still affected by changing hormones even if we do not go off the deep end and have a MLC. But by understanding this stuff a little more then you are able to better relate to what the women are going through.
I can give you a short story 18 months ago when I was reading that book I strained a muscle in my ankle. Went to the doctor who suggested rehab for my ankle and said. Oh that is a very common injury for middle aged guys. I laughed and show him the book I was reading. He laughed and told me I was nuts. But the bottom line is injuries like this are described in the book. What you find out is that at midlife the weakest parts of your system are attacked by your own body. So if you had an injury earlier in life it is worse at midlife.
Look around you, how many people your age are getting cancer or some other illness out of the blue. I am a little older than you and maybe it hasn't hit you yet but trust me it will!
