Yup, you've got kids...the playing field has changed. There simply isn't enough time to do everything the way you used to do it. Time to decide what has to be done, what doesn't have to be done, what can slide or doesn't have to be done quite so often or so thoroughly, what is really important and what do you really want to be spending your time on. Sorry, there is no way around it.
Quote: W has started to express what she is missing from our M. This was great to hear. It's the first time that I felt that I wasn't the only one missing something.
Something I read the other day about what happens after kids enter the home is relevant here. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you don't have any time for yourself, your needs aren't being met, resentful, etc.....you can pretty much assume your spouse is feeling the same way.
Quote: For me it surfaces as anger mostly. I'm angry at her for rejecting me. I'm angry that I feel cheated out of somehting very important to me. I'm angry at myself for feeling the way I do. So I try to occupy myself doing other things (housework, hobbies, etc.) But then W feels I'm ignoring her or becoming distant which only makes the whole situation worse.
Talk about your feelings with your W. Tell her what you've said here. You can even start out with saying you're going to talk about some feelings that may sound like you're blaming her, but that you take responsibility for your own feelings. You just want to share with her what is going on with you, see if she has some things to share with you, and see if the two of you together can come up with some solutions .
Talking about bad feelings with our spouses isn't a bad thing. Avoiding it usually causes more problems. The other problems occur mostly from how we talk about our feelings, when we hold them responsible for our feelings or blame them, when it just becomes a vent session. Then, they are more likely to become defensive. Then you're on opposite sides. Defuse the situation in the beginning to prevent the defensiveness from arising.
Yup, you've got kids...the playing field has changed. There simply isn't enough time to do everything the way you used to do it. Time to decide what has to be done, what doesn't have to be done, what can slide or doesn't have to be done quite so often or so thoroughly, what is really important and what do you really want to be spending your time on. Sorry, there is no way around it. 
