Seconding Poe here. Get creative, your marriage can't wait for your children to be older so you can find the time. It's also much easier to create the time now, than to find it after divorce. She's also WILLING to be involved adn solution oriented right now, she may not be a month or so down the road if IMMEDIATE repairs aren't made now. It's amazing how many options a person can find after the problem blows up completely, and before they couldn't find more than one or two if that. Options are there!! DIG DEEPER and DEEPER to find them.
Make friends with other couples with kids. Share diner, desserts, game night. Imparative to find people you trust with your children. Since you need to have things tidy, can you trade a friend/neighbor to do it.
I often tell my children that I'm busy kissing their dad right now, and I will help them in a moment. I did this even when they were really little. I also have set up videos, rented or bought a new one, just to sneak some private time with H. We also will sneak off for private time if we see the children are engrossed with a game/movie activity. I will tell the children that daddy and I need some quiet alone time, for my now five yr old, I will set a timer (3 min, 5min, 30min) to let him know when to expect us to be available again. Obviously your children need to be in a safe enviroment and it depends on your children's dispositions, what will work. Benign neglect is a wonderful and necessary concept. Learn to be sneaky with eachother when the kids aren't looking. Recognise that the money spent on child care are huge investments in mariage and will ALWAYS be less expensive than lawyers, seperate households, and the quality of life is also significantly better. If spending the money will jepordise the roof over your heads and groceries, go the barter or simplification routes. Dates are a necesity not a luxury, but they don't have to cost much. Yes, some of the easy spontinaity is gone for a while, so planning must take it's place for a season.
