Everyone is on the mend in the house W, S1, & D3 are all on antibiotics for various ailments. So things have improved immensely. Routine is returning to our lives. I'm seeing this as good and bad. Overall it's very good. However, it has been nice in an odd way that for the last couple of weeks we've had no R issues. We've been too busy/tired from being sick and caring for sick family members to care.
Quote: If you can set things up at home and in counseling so that she can express that loss or even realize that she does feel a loss, then you'll be laying the problem on the table as an "our" problem not a you vs. me problem.
W has started to express what she is missing from our M. This was great to hear. It's the first time that I felt that I wasn't the only one missing something. W started reading SSM a little before the kids woke up yesterday and stated that "It's describing me." She says that she feels the spark is missing. But unfortunately what used to give us that spark is largely impossible with kids. We can't just go out to dinner, away for a weekend on short notice, lay in bed on Saturday mornings or Sunday afternoons to watch a football game, etc.
Quote: Whenever the "but what about ME?!" hits me, I usually feel pretty icky about myself. That icky feeling feels worse to me than how I feel about what I think I'm not getting.
For me it surfaces as anger mostly. I'm angry at her for rejecting me. I'm angry that I feel cheated out of somehting very important to me. I'm angry at myself for feeling the way I do. So I try to occupy myself doing other things (housework, hobbies, etc.) But then W feels I'm ignoring her or becoming distant which only makes the whole situation worse. I'm hoping MC will help me deal with this cycle of feelings.
I have been trying to spend time so we could talk. Two days ago she was painting a Mickey Mouse on the kids bathroom wall, and instead of staying downstairs to pay the bills I did it on the bathroom floor so we could talk. It was nice, but once I was done I quickly got bored.
I see the biggest obstacle for us connecting is that we have about 3 hours a day to spend together after the kids are in bed before W goes to bed. So we have to pack together time, housework, meetings, etc. into that time.
I'm also an introvert, so I like to have some alone time to read, do a hobby, etc. I'm also have anal retentive tendencies, so bugs me if dishes lay around, the lawn isn't mowed, the bathroom gets to dirty, etc. So if things get into too much disarray, I feel I have to take care of that. All of this competes with the time my W needs for us to spend together, which makes us both unhappy.
