Here a couple of things that might help you when you find yourself thinking in terms of "my needs." You're both experiencing a loss. When I was in your wife's shoes, I really wanted to be able to have sex with my H with all the passion, etc. that we had had before. But the desire that made that all so easy was overwhelmed by other things, mainly fatigue. So it's not just you that is feeling a sense of loss, even if she hasn't described it to you that way. If you can set things up at home and in counseling so that she can express that loss or even realize that she does feel a loss, then you'll be laying the problem on the table as an "our" problem not a you vs. me problem. (horrible, run on sentence.. ).
Her loss of desire isn't something she's doing to you, but is something that is happening to her. I know I wanted to just be able to flip a switch and have it all come back on, problem solved.
Whenever the "but what about ME?!" hits me, I usually feel pretty icky about myself. That icky feeling feels worse to me than how I feel about what I think I'm not getting. Did that make any sense? I remind myself of that when the "what about me's" hit. It's not that I just ignore what I want, but I don't feel resentful about not getting it. Most of all, I don't like feeling resentful and angry. So I choose not to feel it whenever possible. Not feeling resentful also makes it easier for me to express my desire for something in a more positive way to my H and to keep the team approach going.
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