Antonia, thank you so much for what you have written.
I know that it is difficult to see past the anger you have for your xh at times. But I have always believed that once I worked through the anger, it began to hold me back and sap my energy. So, I forgave my ch for me.
He is the father of my only child and someone who was in my life for many, many years, I loved him deeply. So, praying for him was naatural for me.
Right now, the digging in doesnt have to do with my xh or our sitch. It has to do with my health, my son's health, my home, my financial situation and not having a full time job and health benefits. While my xh has contributed to some of that, it is my path to walk. And walk it I will.
A, do what feels right for you. There is no timeline. We all get to where we need to be in our own time, in our own way.
The important thing is to keep moving forward. It can be in tiny steps. It doesnt matter.
I start each day with the thought that I am going to be the best me I can be that day. I am going to live my life being true to myself, and living it as I believe God wants me to. Some days I make it, some days I dont. But that is always my goal.
While I understand your doctor and your friends want the best for you, it is ultimately your life. You do what you feel is right for you.
Hang in there, sweetie. You are doing wonderfully.
