Heading for a Train Wreck.

[rapunzel111]

Rap,
Your name is interesting. Have you been feeling trapped in a tower? I read your post on Newcomers.

LOl, I just liked the name, i use it for all my psots on diff boards.I was not blessed with a gorgeous head of hair LOLOL and perhaps I would liek to let my hair down.....
And I guess yes I have felt trapped, trapped by H's idea of what a wife should be....rule #1 constantly attentive LOLOLOL

Is your H doing anything regarding his difficulties with anger? It sounds like a pretty significant problem for him and I seriously doubt it is all about sex.

He has, since the police thing, i see him almost physically changing his mind before saying something,it's very funny, we are both being more....considerate.

You've forgiven him for hitting you. That's some serious forgiving.

Yes. I made a decision the next day about wether to leave or not and so did he and we decided that 20yrs was a looong time.

. It sounds like you've spent most of your marriage trying to keep him from getting angry or angrier, and not succeeding. That's because it is HIS problem, not yours. You can't do the work for him.

EXACTLY lol. I have told hime I can't make him 'happy" that he has to do some work on that too.I am making an effort not to let his moods bother me as much and trying not to "bite' to find out what is "wrong" The problem is he can ge the 'poops' anytime and i can let it go, but I can't have the 'poops" makes him mad LOL, that'll put him in a bad mood then.
A lot of it comes down to his work ethic. he is working now, but it is heavy and hurting. I understand that, but we have kids and need the money and needed to instil in them a work ethic too, show them you have to work for what you have. on another level he thinks that if someone doesn't want to work or can't then it is none of anyone elses business and they should be able to live how they want, fair enough except when they react so badly to what other people say or he thinks they say. hard to explain what I mean.we have had many an argument over what other people might be thinking over the years.

P.S. Are you sure you want a 14 year olds' advice on fashion?! I don't know what they're wearing over in Australia, but in the U.S. they are wearing what *I* wore as a teen in the 70's! I ain't goin' there again!

LOLOL In Australia think skimpy my daughter loooves cleavage LOL and hubby has noticed the change LOL I would love to wear some of the things she wears but alas still a tad too fat for that.she made me go through my wardrobe a few weeks ago and get rid of all the fat clothes,80's stuff and generally daggy stuff. not much left......

Is what MPT posts true? Your husband has been punching you?

If it is more than once, then do you have any other men in your life, brothers, father, friends? Do they know?

There is NO excuse for hurting someone that is basically defenseless. Anger - whatever, there is no excuse.

Thank god it was a one off, I think he was as shocked as I am. 20yrs and we never got close to that,yeah we'd yell, be nasty, drag up old wrongs,he'd threaten to rip up the mge cert,maby break something of mine, but I never ever thought he would hit me. It has been a lot to come to terms with, and i always have said if someone hit me i would leave. I tell my daughter if someone hits her leave. but when push comes to shove, I couldn't let 20yrs go down the drain. I want to work on it. I have only written about the bad times, there have been some good ones or I woulden't still be here trying to make it better.i do love him, it's jsut like I have forgotten how and why.

( even then, he only gets to make that mistake once in his life)

OH YES DEFINATELY, this is it and we both know it.

In my neck of the woods, when a woman tells about an abusive husband to friends, there is rarely a need to involve police. Her friends and relatives have a way to fix that problem.

The only people who know are my sisters, one knows because her and her hubby run the business my hubby works for and he had to explain a sudden day off and told them the truth. this sister has not mentioned it to me at all, not asked once.i told my other sister a little, but because kids are on holidays, i didnt get much chance to talk about it, I will ring her in the day in a few weeks when the kids go back to school.
the guns dissapearing of the walll was the hardest to explain . we just told them that when the police finally came around about sons stolen bike, they noticed them and becuse we have no licence they confiscated them.D knew something was up because i told her police came around about someone at work and hubby told her they came about the bike.....she kept asking questions, but let it go after a while.i can't get them back because of the DV on H, and son wants to apply but I can't explain to him that he can't get one because DV on house.
am thinking of going to court to have DV revoked it is 2yrs long.police insisted niether of us had to go to court and through embarrasment niether of us went,so it ws just auto put on.It has made h think about how he behaves though.

Thank you all very much for your advice and comments, i have no one to talk to this freely about my marraige and the stuff that goes with it.
A big hug of thanks to you all, amidst your own problems you are helping with mine.
((((((((evwybody)))))))))))