Anyways I'll give a summary of what's going on. me and my wife are separated and we haven't been talking much. I suspect that there might be an affair but she says there isn't and her brother says he doesn't think so. 4 days into the separation (yesterday) she came over and said she wants a divorce. Which of course is devastating to me. She said that in time she hopes we can be friends. When she leaves she gives me a hug and a kiss. She was texting me last night and we were being nice and cordial with each other but it was a brief conversation. Today she sends me a text saying she is probably going to file for a divorce next month after her and her brother move. I said I didn't know she was trying to move that quickly on it. She sent me a text at her next break saying
I want to be alone. I don't want to be with anyone. I don't want to be married. I'm trying to do this as civil as possible.
I replied
I understand that and we haven't been uncivil yet thankfully I respect you wanting a divorce i realize we have both done somethings wrong I just don't want us to have regrets later on down the road
I haven't heard back from her since.
She still has most of her stuff here. I have her cat because her brother is allergic but she's taking care of it. So we still see each other about every 2-3 days. I'm not sure if the Last Resort Technique is what I should be using or what? It seems like it's almost too late to save our marriage at this point in time. What can I do? thank you
I agree with DG. You are definitely in LRT territory. You have at least two of the qualifying criteria for using the LRT - the physical separation and her stating she wants to D on no uncertain terms. It sounds like you already have some pieces of the LRT in play right now by default.
Start working hard on yourself. This is for your mental health as well as an attempt to save your M.
Your W is in an irrational state of mind. She needs to go on her journey right now while you work on yourself. Be the person only a fool would leave.
A lot can change in a few weeks. Keep your head up.
it's just so frustrating. One day she's really nice and then like today she's just seems like she's trying to hurt me. I've been trying to do the LRT but with all of a sudden her deciding she wants a divorce like that seemed like it was working in reverse
I agree with DG. You are definitely in LRT territory. You have at least two of the qualifying criteria for using the LRT - the physical separation and her stating she wants to D on no uncertain terms. It sounds like you already have some pieces of the LRT in play right now by default.
Start working hard on yourself. This is for your mental health as well as an attempt to save your M.
Your W is in an irrational state of mind. She needs to go on her journey right now while you work on yourself. Be the person only a fool would leave.
A lot can change in a few weeks. Keep your head up.
I've been trying to put some of the LRT in place like trying to let her come to me and trying to remain confident but honestly I feel like it's tearing me apart and I think she senses that despite how I act. maybe that's why she keeps switching gears on me? to shake me up? It's just so hard trying to be happy when I'm in so much pain over this.
What are you doing to GAL? You will find the more you are able to GAL, the more your mental health will improve. At least that was my experience at the beginning. Once I started figuring out things to do to GAL and acting upon them, it was extremely liberating.
She is likely switching gears on you because she is confused herself. If you are thinking she is doing it for manipulation, it will have exactly that affect. Remember, and you may have seen this in DR, believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
Hollowed, this is almost exactly what my W is doing--but be warned it went from "I just want to be apart, on my own and not married any more... I'll be as undisruptive as possible, only taking my car and laptop and all my stuff" to "I AM ENTITLED TO HALF OF EVERYTHING!" in only a few weeks. Be VERY careful, and do things for YOURSELF.
It'd be great if she came back. But you have to take care of yourself as much as humanly possible right now. Connect with friends and family, get hobbies--it's hard as hell (I'm going through it now, got served last Saturday) but every little bit helps.
