....but have handled ourselves quite well. I am very proud of both of us.....
......Part of me worries that she will go nuts once we get over there, but all I can do is give it time, do my best and pray for good things....
Have you sat your W down for a family after action review? Have you told her how wonderful it feels and how much you appreciate all she is doing so that you are working together as a team? As a "leader" in the military you need to understand how important praise and positive reinforcement are to building a cohesive unit.
Since you know that I am a guy who believes in giving unconditional love to my W, it should come as no surprise that my suggestion is to make sure that she not only feels loved, but that she feels appreciated and good about herself. All those things are likely to help her with her MLC and gaining an image of who she is. You might also want to talk to her (possibly during your vacation) about personal goals the two of you have as a couple while overseas. If it were me, one of my goals would be to start working (as a couple) with a sex therapist (who can discuss both your W's bisexuality and the potential for an open marriage -- as that in my view is risky behavior that needs lots of upfront ground rules and counseling to make work). I would also want her to start her own GAL so she feel strongly about herself and has pride in herself.
On the otherhand if you are DB'ing and avoiding relationship talk to just focus on the here & now, put off the holding hands and discussing the future. The R stuff can happen in the future once the two of you build your relationship.
I will again suggest that you read the Montana Wife story (it is in an earlier post of mine), where the wife refused to allow her MLC husband to ruin her marriage and family. She gave him space, love, support and distance so that he could heal and come back. You and/or your wife will backslide, and you and she will each need to find strength. The good news is that the more the two of you have quality time together, the easier it will be to handle and excuse the moments of weakness.
I have been married for nearly 40 years and really didn't think I would still be married to my wife. She did some things that really hurt, but she also really loves me in her own way. It is not always the way I want to be loved, but I do know that she loves and cares about me. I also know that she can drive me crazy and sometimes backslides and reverts to behaviors that hurt. However, she now quickly tries to make amends, as do I.
Good luck on your move. Try to do something special when you get to your new location to make her feel loved and lighten the stress. Enjoy sharing your youth together.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
