Yup, read your Newcomers threads many a time and they have been extremely helpful over the past months. However, putting me on your threads would still be greatly appreciated.
Actually, I've been lurking this forum board since I went off grid in Feb-11. Just been in too much pain during the initial roller coaster ride to even think about posting online. But I definitely have been reading and learning. Some incredibly wise folks here who've been through it and then some.
Changes to me? Well, I'm still a better father for one. My kids will know in the end what a stalwart parent and adult acts like. Not too concerned about the long run, as the future will unfold either way. Found that my retirement plans can and will be altered, but I like what I do for a living and really never have to retire. I've been honest with my shortcomings to myself and these have helped me in dealing with my W. Listening is one of these that's come a long ways. However, I have stopped blaming myself for her MLC. She had some damage early on in life. I still consider her a wonderul person, just highly confused. However, she's an adult and needs to live with her decisions.
Time is definitely a gift, and I plan to not squander it. Her temporarily calling off the legal dogs so we can work out our finances is a break neither attorney could believe. The vampires were really set to suck us dry, so I'm sure they were extremely disappointed. However, I've got come through on my end of the bargain, otherwise they will be back. For now, I acknowledge we will move forward with the D once all the real estate matters are put to rest. In the mean time, I keep in my "Go Dark" mode and only worry about my own life. If she wakes up great. If not, I will hopefully have gotten off cheap and we will have maintained our investments. This opportunity is mine to blow. Every setback I've had in the last 6 months I can trace to my own anger. However, after sticking my finger in that light socket a number of times, I've finally "got it" that I absolutely have to keep my mouth shut and my emotions in check.
Best first gift she gave me though was a 25 lb weight loss in the first 45 days! Man, thought I'd never fit those jeans again. Plus my blood pressure is now low / normal where it had been boardline high for the past decade! Sleep is back to normal, and the kids and are all getting along well. Summer is here and the sleepovers are in full force. Exercising regular helps greatly. Been visiting colleges with D17 last few months (she does not want mom on these trips, but I always ask). Made sure that they got her B-day and Mom's Days cards & gifts, as this is considerate coparenting. They will make their peace with her one day, but for now they seek the stability of their own home. Not saying life is a bed of roses, and I sure still really miss my W. But I understand the situation much better now and know not to expect much. W just seems to be caught in a fantasy, though she seems to be more at peace with her choices (not mad at me all the time). Hard to say, as she's in the tunnel though. As they say, we shall see ...
