My friends, you have all been close in my thoughts and prayers.
I have had some rough patches the last few months. And really, that's putting it mildly.
Took some big hits health wise. And my sister has taken even bigger ones. That breaks my heart.
As a result of my health, I have had to restructure the job hunt. Things are horrible in my state. There are so many people all vying for the same small pool of jobs.
House is still in foreclosure.
Finances are in the tank.
But the thing that has me the most pained is my son. He is still so lost, still so ungrounded.
I have little contact with my xh. My choice. I think if it were up to him, there would be more. But, I am just not up to that right now.
For a long time, I was not looking to have anyone special come into my life. Not only because I still felt married, but, because I still had a lot of work to do on me.
Through no doing of my own, someone has entered.
I post this because I know there are others who might be traveling this road who might gain some insight.
He has his own issues and lives over 2 hours away. He really is a good friend. I enjoy his company.
I made it clear to him what I have been through. I also made it clear that I am not interested in looking at anything long term at this time.
I have a lot of stuff to deal with. I need them dealt with first.
Poor guy didnt know what he was getting himself into when he asked me out. LOL!
First date in almost 34 years. To say I was a fish out of water is an understatement.
Felt strange, this. And a little wrong. I know it isnt. I am divorced. But, it did.
I was me. Brooklyn. Warts and all. That part felt good.
I think that he already cares about me. But, I am careful to let him know that I have stuff to deal with and I am just living life in the present. I would not want to hurt him in anyway, so, I am extremely honest in word and action.
So, another part of this journey is unfolding.
I ask that you please pray for my son and my sister. As for me, well, I could use a little pray, too.
So as not to disappoint, this is a part of the last conversation I had with my xh. Still deep in it all.
He: Hey, B. Thought I'd call. Son said you havent been feeling well lately.
Me: Thanks. That was very nice of you.
He: So, is there anything I can do?
Me: (Silently, in my head - yeah, can you give me back all the money you took, do the right thing for your son? how about that?) I knew that would not get me anywhere, so I said, Nope, but thanks.
He: Ok, because you know, we did have all those years together.
Me: Yes, we did.
He: That's gotta count for something.
Me: You would think.
He: That's funny.
me: yeah, funny, kinda like when you stick a needle in your eye. right?
He: What? Wait! B - you have a sick sense of humor.
Me: Yeah, I do.
He: I miss that.
My friends, I didnt bang my head against the wall. I was too busy kicking my barefoot against it.
