Just let her know that you are there for her daily.
SHOW her how much she means to you when you are around her...
I was in a similar position, and what you describe with the Mother /Friend thing, rings really close to home for me.
What seemed to work was when I could seperate the learned behavior from the normal teenage behavior.
The normal....well.....there is a reason it is called normal...
The learned, was what I concentrated on with her.
I set rules/boundaries that were age appropriate for her, and would have been set, regardless the circumstances.
Did it make me popular ? Not by a long shot.
I also got down on her level, to get to know her...
Through time, and consistantly letting her ( and showing her ) know that I loved her and was there for her WHEN SHE WAS READY...
We are slowly getting there....
Parenting is a work in process that will never end.
Maybe slow down a bit....but not end.
As far as failing ??????
You only have failed when you think you have failed. Right now. she is a teenager. All parents have failed in the eyes of a teenager.
The true results won't be available until much later in life, and you have the chance to make a difference in her life now, that will pay off in the future.....
A wise man once posted to .... "Do Work"
I can't imagine any work, that has the promise to be more rewarding, than raising a child....
A little story for you if you care to peruse.....
One evening, an older father with a young teenage son started to ponder the reasons that their relationship had been fading recently. He had still been active in his young teen-aged son's life, or so he thought. They had done all of the same things he had done with his Father, yet the relationship didn't feel quite right to him. Words were sporadic, and interests varied.
This troubled the Father considerably. During his thoughts, he wondered what could close the gap so that their relationship would prosper. He thought of all of the things they could do together. They could go fishing, they could find an old car to work on. These were things he had done with his Father. They were doable, yet his son's activities always seemed to be in the way.
One evening, during the spring, he had an epiphany. He would take his son on a road trip for a month. They would travel to each city that they could, and see a professional Baseball game in each stadium. His Son loved baseball, and it seemed like an option that would make his Son very happy.
They started their journey in late spring. One by one, they visited each stadium , saw almost every team, and really connected on a level that the Father thought was an impossible bridge to cross. The Father saw his Son in a light he had never seen before. And the best of those times, became less about the games and more about the times when they weren't at the park, or consumed with the materialistic things that came with the trip.
One evening, nearing the end of their journey, they were sitting in Fenway Park. The Father had procured special seats for this, the last game they were to see together on this tour.
The Father started talking to a man in the stands, telling him all about their adventures throughout the trip. The man seemed amazed that the Father would do such a thing, prompting him to say to the Father...
