I don't think you can provide comfortable security, and deal with relational issues. I watched my wonderfully secure and and happy wife drift off to peaceful sleep, on the couch, night after night, while I seethed just short of a rage. I stupidly did this for over a DECADE. Duh! How dumb.
What I should have done is to TELL HER - ALL IS NOT WELL WITH US! It wasn't it isn't now. Even at the risk of thrown food or walk outs, you have to choose to either deal with it, or cry in your beer. If she is important to you, do the right thing for everyone concerned and bring the situation to a head. You do NOT have to make threats. Assure her, that you will not waiver in your devotion to her, as long as she will help work out the problems. At some point, SHE HAS TO AGREE TO WORK WITH YOU. If you have approached her multiple times, and she refuses to address the issue, then you have to resign yourself to that simple fact, and make approprate plans, based on you convictions. If you have to do the later, make sure that she knows, that is your decision.
If she will not work on the problem, then I personally don't think you are under the same obligation to provide her a secure environment. In my relationship, I repeatedly addressed the sex issue, and then allowed the situation to return to the previous status-quo.
She didn't come to bed the other night, instead she chose to sleep on the couch. she was peaceful and comfortable there, probably because she was coming down with a cold. The next morning, I awoke angry. I didn't really realize it, but I was. She asked me what was the matter, and I suprised myself when I blurted out; "Why the hell didn't you sleep in the bed last night?" I think it will be a long while before she sleeps on the couch again. Right or wrong, at least the situation got dealt with before it became an open festering wound again.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
