I haven't posted on my thread for awhile. Been extremely busy with our business and by the end of the day I just don't have the energy.
Nope. we never did get to go fishing, but thats OK, the temps were in the 90's which brought thru alot of storms, We did take a nice drive in the country Sunday just to get away from the campgrounds for a bit, and have some WE time.
There is always one day of the week that hubby drinks too much, usually Friday night, I guess i'm just getting immune to it, and turn to my alanon teachings to provide myself some sanity. I dont argue anymore when hes drunk. Hes not always mean but he can pretty stupid.
I think that you and I are alot alike when it comes to shutting down when were not being treated right. Yep...cook your own meal, fold your own clothes, etc. Its hard not to fit that profile of feeling like a maid at times, but also I've noticed a big change from hubby since we seperated in 2007..he does alot more to help me ( even without being asked ) Cooks more, fixes things sooner, etc. I think my Love Language is service. hehe
And I do like my alone and quiet time...
I'm glad you found this forum and are using it to build a healthier marriage.
I have one question tho. You talked about your Hubby becoming an angrier man, treating you with disrepect, hurting you with words...leaving.........When did all that start?? or was the anger and fighting a pattern in your marriage?
I know we lost repect for each other, treating others better than our partners, and we were both guilty of it.
Just wondering?
Sunny
Good morning Sunny
Wow, it's warm in Winter Wonderland! (Your loc on the little sidebar)
We have barely started summer!
It sounds like you are in a place with H's drinking that you can handle. You're right, futile to argue with a drunk person.
Yes, I have shut down in a lot of ways, mostly wrt my heart. He held so many things over my head constantly that he wasn't happy with. I felt that if I tried to make him happy - according to what his complaints were, I really would have been reduced to being his live-in housekeeper.
The irony is that if he wasn't demanding, but was supportive of my pursuits as well, I would have gladly done what he said he wanted, and more, singing as I sweeped, haha.
My love language is Words of Affirmation, H's is Physical Touch.
H has always had an anger issue but it used to be intermittent, it was a passive aggressive build-up and he would explode when he was under pressure.
H started to get extremely angry 3 or 4 years ago after his last tour in Afghanistan. It has been a weekly thing since then and it included constant threats to divorce and whatever horrible thing he could think of to throw at me.
We also bought and sold a few houses during that time, moved twice, lived in horrible reno for long stretches, our son left the nest, and we both quit secure jobs. It didn't bother me but I'm learning that I like living on the edge. H did NOT like it. There's a much longer version of the events of that time on H's (Herbgarden) thread.
The barrage of words just did me in, I really lost my "joie de vivre". After he got the anger out of his system, he felt better, and would be so nice for the next week. I eventually felt like I was going crazy.
It's only now, after posting all my thoughts on this thread (I kind of hoped no one was reading them! It's a little like being naked. But if H is seriously changing this time, I want him to be able to read/know where I'm at.), letting it all out, that I am starting to feel normal. I think pretending to our friends and my work contacts (who see H all the time in the shop) took a huge toll. It's nice to get chit out! And make sense of it...
