Thank you sandi2... I appreciate your words of comfort, because they come from the place where my wife is at. I can definitely see a glimmer of hope and that is encouraging. Please stay with me,
I find your insight really helpful... It means more to me than you could know...
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Sandi is awesome. I hope she keeps posting to you as well. In fact, I'm pretty sure she will.
You said you were going to read some anger management books and see a counselor. Have you accomplished this? I really think it's good if you share this. There are several ppl that COULD benefit from it....If you are not comfortable with this, then just let us know where you are at with it. I look forward to hearing it.
I went to my computer today to send an email and when I couldn't recognize the emails in yahoo email, I realized that my wife was logged in and had left her email open. I saw an email in there to someone I didn't recognize and I read it. (I know... I shouldn't have...) but basically it was a reply to an email someone had sent to her on her blackberry. The email was basically a link to a msn article titled; hello ( my wife's email address ). here is a cut and paste of the original message:
Fri, May 13, 2011 4:59:14 AM Re: hello (my wife's email address)@yahoo.com From: "mywifesname@yahoo.com" <mywifesname@yahoo.com> Add to Contacts To: Dennis <personsemailaddress>
You are the best thing I have ever done in my life
------Original Message------ From: Dennis To: mywifesname@yahoo.com Subject: hello (mywifesname@yahoo.com) Sent: May 12, 2011 9:50 PM
Mywifesname@yahoo.com it has been the best thing i’ve ever done in my entire life http://g.msn.com.br/BR9/1369.0?http://nbcnewset.com?/Article=4098297
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the cellular provider network.
I printed the letter off and asked her if she could explain what this was. She seemed puzzled, and looked at the letter for 30 seconds (it felt like an hour) and she said "I don't know". " I think it is spam... I was having trouble with my blackberry a month ago...". I asked what she would think if she was in my shoes, How does it look to you?". She responded "not good ". (meaning she could understand how I would feel upset upon seeing this). My W seemed genuinely puzzled about the email she didn't show any emotion, or shock (which I would expect to see if she was hiding something)
What bothers me is her response "You are the best thing I have ever done in my life ". But I find the timing of it from the time the first ,message was received (May 12, 2011 9:50 PM), and the reply was sent (Fri, May 13, 2011 4:59:14 AM) is that normal for viruses?
Is that her response or is it the action of a virus? (she was complaining about her blackberry around that time)
Have I just set myself back by confronting her with this... We have been getting along well up until this point... When I confronted her I didn't scream, or cry... I just asked her in a calm tone. Her reply was puzzled but calm...
Should I talk to her more about this? Should I just ignore it?
I don't know what to do...
Johnnie
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Journalling... As per my previous post (not up yet).
Here is the letter I want to send to my W. I can't believe that I am putting it up here first...
I need help pleas...
WIFE
I can't get my mind off this email I showed you yesterday... I just don't know what to think. I want to believe you that it is just a spam, or a virus, but my mind is going a million miles a minute. Can you blame me? I Have always believed in you and felt I could trust you, I NEVER questioned that, but... After you gave me that letter a month ago, I don't know what to believe anymore. Here is what I do know...
1. You no longer wear the rings I gave you including your wedding band 2. You go out all the time to bars and out late 3. New clothes that are totally different from what you have traditionally wore 4. Going to the gym all the time. 5. Cell phone that you never put down 6. Secretive texting all the time 7. Closed Facebook and took me off as your husband 8. New perfumes and sexy underwear
If you are cheating on me, I have the right to know. I hate this feeling that I can't trust you. You must have a great feeling of guilt that you are carrying around too. I know that it is weighing heavy on your heart, and you will have to carry that for the rest of your life. One day you have to be honest with yourself and own up to what you have done, if you don't, it will eat you up inside. If my suspicions are correct then all I ask is that you be honest with me.
I have been giving my all to be a better man, and I like who I am becoming, a much more patient, loving, supportive father. I am proud of the new me and I don't want to go back to the old me. I feel like my life is brighter in a way (in part thanks to you) , even though I am losing the MOST important person in my life. You are that person to me. I can't bear to take off my wedding ring because that would kill a big piece of my heart. Truthfully I am in more pain now than with my heart attack.
For what it is worth even with all the suffering you have put me through since Feb, I forgive you, I hope that one day you can forgive me too. I know that, that is the big roadblock that is stopping you now is your ability to forgive. I can promise you that it feels good for your soul to forgive. I never thought I would have been able to do it, but I can because I love you and I always will. When you are ready you will need to see a therapist to discover why you can't forgive... Or admit when you are wrong, it is what is holding you back from truly being open to a meaningful, happy, fulfilling relationship.
We have shared many happy memories together and some sad ones too. I know I have been a far from perfect husband for you, but I have learned from my mistakes and am a better man because of them. If I could go back and undo the things I regret, I would. I am sorry that I was so reckless with your love, I realize now how fragile it is. I am not going to take all the blame here either. There are lots of things that you have to take ownership for too.
I had a dream the other night, it was of the day I proposed to you in the park. It was such a beautiful dream, I can still see your face beaming back at me grinning from ear to ear, it was one of the times that I can truly say I could see your soul... It reminded me of how it used to be between us when we were so much in love and it made me very sad, but it also inspired me to do everything I can to rekindle that honest, innocent warm love between us. Ideally I want to work on our marriage. Dispute everything, I feel we owe that to ourselves and our 3 angels. I know you think they will be fine but, I know that our breakup will scar them for life. They will have difficulty in making their own relationships work, they will only be following the example set by their parents that is when things got tough, it was easier to take the selfish path and call it quits. That is not the example I want to set for them, and I think in your heart you don't want that either. I have read a lot about marriage and divorce recently, and everything I have read all confirms my belief that what we are going through can be overcome. Even if you don't want to put any effort into saving our marriage and family, I will. Because the end result will be beautiful. Our new marriage together will eclipse the old one (even in the beginning) and we will both be very happy because we didn't quit.
I don't want to lose my best friend...
What should I do?
Should I send it?
Should I send only part of it?
Should I send none of it an just stay the course, even after the email I found yesterday?
Am I being naieve... Or am I just choosing to believe the email was spam because I want to believe in her?...
I am in hell...
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Mood at start of writing post 4/10 on happiness scale.. . Today is a tough day... After a relatively good week with positive moods for both of us, I knew that it couldn't last forever. I am journalling to keep my sanity.
I feel REALLY lonely today. I am also still feeling unsteady about the email incident of Wednesday. God it is tough being married to a WAW. I am doing my best to be helpful carefree, respectful, and stick to my plan, but it is tough. I keep reading the 37 rules, but they are tough. I want my wife more now because she is pulling away from me. I can see clearly how GAL works and I wish I had the strength to pull away from her. Hoping that she would be drawn closer to me. Problem is that, I don't have a large group of friends as a resource to keep me busy away from home (also I want to be here with my kids being a good Dad for them). They are starting to notice that their Mommy is not home alot anymore which makes my presence at home that much more critical. I guess what is tough fir me is the fact that I like to be home with my family. I have no desire to go out all the time... I got that out of me when I was young b4 I was married. My wife on the other hand never did get that out of her system when she was young so, now she is, which explains a lot.
I have been reading self help books to keep me occupied when I feel blue, and that definitely helps, also, updating and posting here in the forum helps a ton too. I had always thought I had an anger problem, but clearly it is not anywhere near as bad as I thought after reading an anger management book. I did takeaway some helpful techniques from my kids book on managing their temper. I am really proud of how well I'm doing in that area too. I feel like I am the father I wanted to be to my kids, not completely different, just more accessible, more fun and more patient for them. I will never go back to the old me.
I wish that I could level out my moods but that is tough for me because I have trouble keeping a lid on my emotions (but I have been doing a good job of it for over a month now)
Is there any suggestions anyone can give me to help give me ideas on how to GAL?
How do I work that into my work schedule and the kids needs?
How do I deal with this incredible loneliness?
Oh yeah... I never sent the letter to my wife of my last post... I just had to get it out of me. I can definitely see how it would hurt my efforts, although it feels totally natural to peruse her, I haven't.
Mood at end of writing post 7/10 on happiness scale...
There.... That's better!
Johnnie
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Journalling... As per my previous post (not up yet).
Here is the letter I want to send to my W. I can't believe that I am putting it up here first...
I need help pleas...
WIFE
I can't get my mind off this email I showed you yesterday... I just don't know what to think. I want to believe you that it is just a spam, or a virus, but my mind is going a million miles a minute. Can you blame me? I Have always believed in you and felt I could trust you, I NEVER questioned that, but... After you gave me that letter a month ago, I don't know what to believe anymore. Here is what I do know...
1. You no longer wear the rings I gave you including your wedding band 2. You go out all the time to bars and out late 3. New clothes that are totally different from what you have traditionally wore 4. Going to the gym all the time. 5. Cell phone that you never put down 6. Secretive texting all the time 7. Closed Facebook and took me off as your husband 8. New perfumes and sexy underwear
If you are cheating on me, I have the right to know. I hate this feeling that I can't trust you. You must have a great feeling of guilt that you are carrying around too. I know that it is weighing heavy on your heart, and you will have to carry that for the rest of your life. One day you have to be honest with yourself and own up to what you have done, if you don't, it will eat you up inside. If my suspicions are correct then all I ask is that you be honest with me.
I have been giving my all to be a better man, and I like who I am becoming, a much more patient, loving, supportive father. I am proud of the new me and I don't want to go back to the old me. I feel like my life is brighter in a way (in part thanks to you) , even though I am losing the MOST important person in my life. You are that person to me. I can't bear to take off my wedding ring because that would kill a big piece of my heart. Truthfully I am in more pain now than with my heart attack.
For what it is worth even with all the suffering you have put me through since Feb, I forgive you, I hope that one day you can forgive me too. I know that, that is the big roadblock that is stopping you now is your ability to forgive. I can promise you that it feels good for your soul to forgive. I never thought I would have been able to do it, but I can because I love you and I always will. When you are ready you will need to see a therapist to discover why you can't forgive... Or admit when you are wrong, it is what is holding you back from truly being open to a meaningful, happy, fulfilling relationship.
We have shared many happy memories together and some sad ones too. I know I have been a far from perfect husband for you, but I have learned from my mistakes and am a better man because of them. If I could go back and undo the things I regret, I would. I am sorry that I was so reckless with your love, I realize now how fragile it is. I am not going to take all the blame here either. There are lots of things that you have to take ownership for too.
I had a dream the other night, it was of the day I proposed to you in the park. It was such a beautiful dream, I can still see your face beaming back at me grinning from ear to ear, it was one of the times that I can truly say I could see your soul... It reminded me of how it used to be between us when we were so much in love and it made me very sad, but it also inspired me to do everything I can to rekindle that honest, innocent warm love between us. Ideally I want to work on our marriage. Dispute everything, I feel we owe that to ourselves and our 3 angels. I know you think they will be fine but, I know that our breakup will scar them for life. They will have difficulty in making their own relationships work, they will only be following the example set by their parents that is when things got tough, it was easier to take the selfish path and call it quits. That is not the example I want to set for them, and I think in your heart you don't want that either. I have read a lot about marriage and divorce recently, and everything I have read all confirms my belief that what we are going through can be overcome. Even if you don't want to put any effort into saving our marriage and family, I will. Because the end result will be beautiful. Our new marriage together will eclipse the old one (even in the beginning) and we will both be very happy because we didn't quit.
I don't want to lose my best friend...
What should I do?
Should I send it?
Should I send only part of it?
Should I send none of it an just stay the course, even after the email I found yesterday?
Am I being naieve... Or am I just choosing to believe the email was spam because I want to believe in her?...
DO NOT SEND THE LETTER. It is weak, supplicating, accusatory and can do NOTHING good for you.
Either gather the evidence you need and confront her, or DROP IT completely. This "middle road" is where the little animals get splattered as roadkill!
Did you go ahead and Google that article URL above? I think your wife may be telling the truth (at least about this). It's also possible it could be a SETUP (wouldn't be the first time someone who WAS cheating, tried to get their betrayed spouse to accuse them of something innocent that they set up).
In ANY event, there is NO percentage in accusing her, or sending her that note!!! She's either telling you the truth, or it's a setup, so either way, you'd be making a huge mistake, IMHO.
I want my wife more now because she is pulling away from me.
Funny that, huh? Imagine she might feel the same if you start not being around and clinging to her? That shouldn't be the ulitmate reason you do it, but you'll do it for that reason at first.
How do you GAL, when you got all the fun things out of your system when you were younger?
A few hints, you aren't going to find new friends sitting at home, unless they are imaginary.
Co-workers can become friends too.
Craiglist has a community site for clubs of people with similar interests. Poker, board games, model airplanes, men beating drums, cross-dressing...you get the picture.
Quote:
How do I work that into my work schedule and the kids needs?
A fantastic quote from a decent movie:
Quote:
You will never HAVE the time, if you do not MAKE the time.
You get to be selfish in a few areas, this should be one of them.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
