I am the love martyr, I have been doing everything I can to change my relationship from my end. Lot's of books say you can make change if only 1 cares to try, which is pretty much my situation. But how do you change a marriage from a postion of weakness. I know my wife is not really in love with me anymore, so I don't think it would take muck to push her over the edge into being a WAW and dropping the bomb. From the many things you have said before, it seems that the only way to get the relationship I want, I have to be willing to DIVORCE. It's like an ALL or NOTHING approach. The problem I have with this is when divorce happens, the GUYS end up as HUGE losers while the women make out OK. She most likely would get the 3 kids, the house, half of my 401K, and half of my income as child support, while I get to live in some dive apartment and get the kids every other week end. So I end up with even LESS then I am getting now. THIS SOUNDS EVEN WORSE THEN MY CURRENT SITUATION, where at least I have my loving children around. Let's face it, my wife has the upper hand here. I have a fragile marriage, and I STAND TO LOSE EVERYTHING, while she gets to KEEP IT ALL.
My wife has even commented that I AVOID conflict. My new years resolutions will definitely include standing up for myself. But how can I steer this relationship and get WHAT I DESERVE in the way of physical touch, without this whole thing blowing up in my face, with me on the street, while my wife is laughing all the way to the bank. She has the power, I don't. But it seems the only way to get back some power is to risk divorce, and she probably would be OK with that. My life would be ruined, and hers would go on pretty much the way it is now.
Is there some way to steer this relationship slowly towards giving me more power over it? It's just like the books say, the LD spouse holds ALL the cards, unlsee the HD spouse is willing to go nuclear and drop the warhead on himself. He will be the BIG loser in the short term and maybe even the long term, unless he can find that someone special after the divorce.
