Fool me once, Shame on ME

[ninelives]

You know Jack, Im not even sure why Im GAL anymore. I know why I should be doing it. Because under the circumstances, its the only choice I have. I should be doing it for me and most of the time I think it is. But then I do miss her so much and wonder what the hell she is doing and am happy that she his curious.

UPDATE:

Just finished the party, it was nice. I BBQ'd alot of food and made sure there was booze for the adults.

For the young kids, my youngest sons age, the pool was a hit. They enjoyed it, I got out my brother's milk shake machine , made those.

I even jumped in the pool myself, talk about 180's, my wife even made a comment on that. Now there is a sight you dont see to often she said.

TBH, I also wanted her to see me with my shirt off as I have been hitting the weights hard and have some decent definition. I know that sounds conceited but there was something my wife always said to me. " Id like you to get big muscles again" when we were married.

So jumping in the pool was three fold:

1) A 180
2) My son loves it on those rare occasions when i do swim with him
3) She kept videoing me in the pool. I found that weird and uncomfortable at the same time.

So I was doing my best to be the perfect host. I made sure everyone had plenty to eat, kept glasses filled and even buried the hatchet with my SIL who wasnt sure she wanted to come over.

We then did a bunch of photos, I had a beer with my 16 year old and proposed a toast in front of everybody. He was named after Alexander the Great and I said words to the effect that " You were named after a great man and you havent't found yourself yet, but be patient because I see greatness in you and it will come to the surface someday.

I think he liked the toast.

Then came the group pics and in one, we had one as a family including my youngest son. The four of us together. Surely to god there must be something in there that sees this as the way it should be. The four of us together as a family. I saw the pic and it looked wonderful, the way it should be.

He opened presents and that went well too. She went out of her way to get him a little more than I did even though she makes way less. It was a good time all around.

I got him a cake from a grocery store shaped like a guitar and he enjoyed that. Inside , I played with youngest son and we wrestled a bit. At one point he kicked me in the nether regions and I went down like a shot but was laughing. We were all laughing. It was good. Then my W chased him around the house with an Ice pack and we were all laughing.

Those were all positives.

One negative. She saw how far the vines she planted have grown and she said OMG, I love those vines. I need to plant some at my place.

That to me means she plans on being away from me and the family for a long time. It took seven years to get the plants like that.

In the end, It was for my oldest son but I would be lying if I said that I was hoping that she would get a glimpse of her former life with her family and get some longing. I dont know, I know im not supposed to expect anything and Im pretty sure nothing will come of this , but I wonder.

She has put a little weight back on which is neither here nor there. I wanted to grow old with this woman and bask in the glory of our family. The sex and everything else that I thought was important, simply is not. I just want us back.

I dont think Im going to get my wish though. Sad really.

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