Fool me once, Shame on ME

[Denver_2010]

NOt much to update:

She did text me on father's day to tell me that youngest son wrote:

Fathers day today. And had a bunch of hearts around her white board. She said, They both love you so much.

Then she wrote: I hope you have a good day with your boys.


I went to a dance on Sat night. There were many of my former students there and lots of nice looking ladies but to be totally honest. I missed my wife sooooo much at that dance. I only had a couple of drinks and so many of my ex students could not recognize me with all the weight I lost and cut my hair.

Before I left for the dance , Wife came over to pick up the boys.
I had new clothes and then purposely took my overnight bag out and put it in the trunk. I was going to use it as well.

W: So where are you going anyway.

M: Out

W: I see you are staying overnight. Where are you staying?

I walked away without a response and got the boys rounded up

W: Could you please drop the boys over to my house.

M: Sorry, cant't Im running late. ( which I was)

I then went to the dance. It was fun for the most part as I did see alot of alumni there. Also saw a girl that is now 30 years old and is also a teacher in little current. She lives about 4 houses down from me and is very good looking. I have always hit it off with her. Maybe somebody to think about down the road.

But again, I thought of my wife alot that night. Then I was thinking, but she is with another man and that doesnt appear to be going anywhere. I wonder if she really does love him. They've been seenig each other on the sly for nearly a year and a half now. One year behind my back and now 6 months in the open.

But if she truly loved him, would she have stayed in my room at the hockey tournament with me. Would she have let me cuddle with her , massage her back etc... Would she have sent me the text about her downward spiral.? I dont know , maybe Im just fishing.

Today is my oldest sons birthday. She is coming to the dinner and for presents and then Im sure she will leave early. Im sure her BF wont want her to stay there too long. Also, against my better judgement, I invited my BIL which is ok, but then he asked if his W could also come. We had a blow out if you remember about a month ago and I havent spoken to her since.

I said sure, but I dont have to talk to her much , just be civil.
I know that she doesnt like me and supports her sister but MY son did say that he wished everybody could be together for his birthday. This one last time I will make it happen and maybe this is a 180 for me as I would normally hold a grudge. Maybe its good that she can see me forgive.

I have to get Pizza , Wings and the fixing for milkshakes.

BTW: The last couple of day have been tough for me. I guess the holidays and birthdays make me question what she is thinking to break apart such a good family. I wonder if she is happy .

Forgot to mention. When my sons stayed with her on Sat. She asked oldest:

W: Where is dad going Sat. Night?

OS: I dont know.

W: BS, you know , please tell me.

OS: I honestly dont know.

She was pi$$y with him
OS: What do you care anyway?

W: I dont know, just curious.

9

Hmmmmm... showing an awful lot of curiosity about what you are doing and where you are going 9.

Your GAL activities seem to be working... keep it up!

Denver

[Jack_Three_Beans]

If the GALing goal is to get them curious? Yes, working just fine.

Not the goal I'd be aiming for though. ; )

[Denver_2010]

If the GALing goal is to get them curious? Yes, working just fine.

Not the goal I'd be aiming for though. ; )

Well, can't it be for a dual purpose Jack? I mean, it sounds like it is working for him in both ways...

Denver

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I'm with you on that Denver.

However if the only goal is the get her curious? I see it as a trick, and I am not for it, not in the long range.

[ninelives]

You know Jack, Im not even sure why Im GAL anymore. I know why I should be doing it. Because under the circumstances, its the only choice I have. I should be doing it for me and most of the time I think it is. But then I do miss her so much and wonder what the hell she is doing and am happy that she his curious.

UPDATE:

Just finished the party, it was nice. I BBQ'd alot of food and made sure there was booze for the adults.

For the young kids, my youngest sons age, the pool was a hit. They enjoyed it, I got out my brother's milk shake machine , made those.

I even jumped in the pool myself, talk about 180's, my wife even made a comment on that. Now there is a sight you dont see to often she said.

TBH, I also wanted her to see me with my shirt off as I have been hitting the weights hard and have some decent definition. I know that sounds conceited but there was something my wife always said to me. " Id like you to get big muscles again" when we were married.

So jumping in the pool was three fold:

1) A 180
2) My son loves it on those rare occasions when i do swim with him
3) She kept videoing me in the pool. I found that weird and uncomfortable at the same time.

So I was doing my best to be the perfect host. I made sure everyone had plenty to eat, kept glasses filled and even buried the hatchet with my SIL who wasnt sure she wanted to come over.

We then did a bunch of photos, I had a beer with my 16 year old and proposed a toast in front of everybody. He was named after Alexander the Great and I said words to the effect that " You were named after a great man and you havent't found yourself yet, but be patient because I see greatness in you and it will come to the surface someday.

I think he liked the toast.

Then came the group pics and in one, we had one as a family including my youngest son. The four of us together. Surely to god there must be something in there that sees this as the way it should be. The four of us together as a family. I saw the pic and it looked wonderful, the way it should be.

He opened presents and that went well too. She went out of her way to get him a little more than I did even though she makes way less. It was a good time all around.

I got him a cake from a grocery store shaped like a guitar and he enjoyed that. Inside , I played with youngest son and we wrestled a bit. At one point he kicked me in the nether regions and I went down like a shot but was laughing. We were all laughing. It was good. Then my W chased him around the house with an Ice pack and we were all laughing.

Those were all positives.

One negative. She saw how far the vines she planted have grown and she said OMG, I love those vines. I need to plant some at my place.

That to me means she plans on being away from me and the family for a long time. It took seven years to get the plants like that.

In the end, It was for my oldest son but I would be lying if I said that I was hoping that she would get a glimpse of her former life with her family and get some longing. I dont know, I know im not supposed to expect anything and Im pretty sure nothing will come of this , but I wonder.

She has put a little weight back on which is neither here nor there. I wanted to grow old with this woman and bask in the glory of our family. The sex and everything else that I thought was important, simply is not. I just want us back.

I dont think Im going to get my wish though. Sad really.

9

[♪CS♪]

Wow 9, that is such a weird dynamic. I really cannot imagine. You seemed to handle yourself well.

Next time go buck for the pool and REALLY impress her

[Denver_2010]

9, it is experiences like this that may get your W to reconsider what she is doing. I don't think that it is any one single event, but the sum total. I know that you probably had some expectations, it is hard not to. But I think that you should look at how positive this was. W did get a glimpse of the family that she is leaving behind. And it was a glimpse of the good in that family. I think that is huge. The second positive is that she got a glimpse of the 'new' you. Personally, I don't see any negatives at all. The comment about the vines? Well, yeah, she is still thinking that she is not coming back. One fun occasion isn't going to change that. But I am fairly confident that this will have her thinking.

BITS
Denver

[FaithnAK]

I should be doing it for me and most of the time I think it is. But then I do miss her so much and wonder what the hell she is doing and am happy that she his curious.

I'm not going to tell you what you shouldn't do, it's obvious as you being a human being you will continue to do what you want to do until you make a decision to change.

I've told you several times to let go, but no one can force you to do that until you're ready. I know that and see it clearly. I did the same thing.

I will tell you though, until you actually identify inside yourself what makes YOU happy; You will continue to watch her and base your happiness on her. Your decisions and how you MOVE forward do change the circumstances and dictate the direction in which you DO want this sub-par relationship to go. I hope you understand that. YOUR change will move this in a HUGE way. One day you will wake up and realize "Why am I caring about someone who doesn't respect me and our family enough to try and work this out? Why do I continue to worry about someone that doesn't value me as MUCH AS I VALUE MYSELF AND ALL MY HARD WORK?". You will face this one day. The sooner you can achieve this, the better chance you have to make her miss you too. That's the dynamic you need to change.

[ninelives]

Denver and Country. Thanks for the positive feedback, maybe there will be some things for her to consider down the road and maybe she is so far into her relationship that she may consider it for a little while , but then keep going down her path.

And country, going in buck would not impress her, remember, pools and shrinkage.

Faith: I know what you are saying is true. Sometimes the rope is gone albeit it with some rope burn because I am reluctant to do so.

And then I pick it up again. I think I need to be really dark with her in order for me to completely drop the rope. When I see her and interact, I have difficulty.

What you said makes so much sense and I will try again to drop it for ME. Summer is coming, maybe I can avoid her more this summer.

She did invite me to her MOm's memorial service on July 23rd, which happens to be the day before our anniversary. There is a bike rally that day as well but I think Ill miss it as I owe it to her mother to go to that memorial service.

Two more tough days to get through and then maybe I can start living again for real.

9

[ninelives]

Okay folks:

Another special occasion down. Birthdays are done for the year.

I have attempted to make a pact with CS to really Drop the rope.
That doesnt mean NC or going dark, I have done that with results I cant read. I have to drop the rope and not really care what she is doing.

NC is not possible in our situation with children and proximity so Im going to do my best for NC but accept it when it occurs but not read ANYTHING into it. That is my goal.

9