When I was home, I could have happily remained there, cooking, cleaning (to a point - I still don't think I'm out of line to want a housekeeper 2x per month. We can afford it.), running the house, saving money (I love to stretch a dollar to the limit), as long as my arty projects were being supported. I would have felt fulfilled and would have gotten a lot of satisfaction out of seeing H love being fed, enjoying his home, and feeling supported by me in his life. I also would have finally had the time to create what I wanted, not what someone was paying me to.
But if my creative side is not supported, I am able to fend for myself. But that doesn't give me a feeling of satisfaction at all. And if I'm outside working, just because I can't stand the lack of support in the home, then I'm not getting my fundamental needs met, and then everything just feels hollow. I don't feel the need to make a lot of money unless I think of H and what he seems(ed?) to want. I feel like we have enough. But I've been poor and I know how little I can live on. H has never been poor and I think that he fears it. I think this may be a fundamental difference in us.
