Has your wife read SSM? Have you discussed it with her yet?
Just curious.
I understand your frustration and anger. Somehow, you have to back off on both in order to get your wife to talk about the issues. I know that sucks and isn't fair, but that is what it will take for her to even consider discussing it with you. If she has hurts that you are unaware of, the last thing she is going to do is open up to you if she is frightened of your response in any way.
It really sticks in my craw to have special rules, but the fact is she is female, and needs a very different atmosphere to express herself than you or I. Guys are told to be tough from an early age. We learn how to take a good ass chewing right in stride, never looking back. You can't expect your wife to respond in the same way. In fact, she likely can't even relate to hard nose driven "fix it now or you're fired" kind of guy.
I have threatened on this forum, and come close several times in reality to saying exactly what I think and how I feel, complete with all the emotion intact, to my wife. This is a very bad idea. In all honesty, a wife can blow, get mad, THROW THINGS, yell, cry, stomp, call us names and we still get over it pretty quick. Don't do that in reverse. Fair or not, you will probably seriously damage her. As much as it sucks, you really do have to get in control of you before you can expect any progress on her part.
Also, don't forget that if she brings up an issue with you, that has added to her lack of desire, take it to heart, and do your best to fix your part of it. You have to be willing to change some things for her. It is a certainty that she will have issues with you that have contributed to the mess.
It is very difficult to get un-mad. Figure out how to get rid of your anger and frustration for at least a few days. Plan to discuss the situation with her when you are under control.
I know this is obvious, but it is sometimes hard to remember; women are not like us emotionally. Their thought processes are different than ours. THey are spatially oriented differently. You can't apply how you feel as a template for their reaction or actions. That is like comparing apples and oranges. Having said that, they are just as smart and clever as we are, they also have some special gifts that we don't, and the same is true of us. Neither is better than the other, just different. We do need each other (thank God) and I am quite fond of our counterparts...
Good luck, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
