ooohweee what'sup wit that

[AKHope]

Hi all-
Kind of new here but I've looked around here for a while. This exchange struck me as so significant that I simply have to put my two cents in.

IMO, until you can REALLY look at your part in the state of the marriage AND forgive yourself for that, there is very little hope for being able to get past whatever the WAS does or did.

It is their responsibility to eventually come to terms with their choices and actions. In the meantime (and it could be forever), your only option (thus NOT an option unless you consider avoiding reality an option) is to get comfortable with your past in the marriage.

"Feel with it and deal with it"

I did the same over the last year. And it's really quite surprising that after really looking at all that I did and didn't do; should and shouldn't have done in my marriage (in divorce process now) despite the initial regret and self-bashing over 'Why didn't I figure this out sooner?', I've actually come out stronger and wiser than before. Yet initially I was afraid to dig that deep for fear of discovering how wrong I was. Oddly, THAT made me stronger (not to mention wiser)

I have read the DB book (saw it referenced on another site) and the ultimate endpoint is to save YOU. If the marriage is saved then that is a bonus.

This is a self-analysis and self-IMPROVEMENT process wether we are dealing WAS or MLC.

So it is with kindness and empathy that I suggest you really dig into the posts above by 25, DbMod and Faith and ask yourself the HARD questions.

Take the focus off your spouse and put the microscope on you. It will pull you away from expectation and mind reading and really give you a humility that will be required as you go forward.

Forgive me if I'm all over but I'm new. I hope to get better with time.