It's really starting to aggrevate me. How do I bring it up without her seeing it as controlling?
Well it is controlling, on both ends. Compromise?
Is it fair to say it upsets you because...of who she might be talking to, or that she isn't spedning the type of time you want her to spend when she is on it?
Without yelling let her know, that it bothers you but that you are trying to work on it.
She isn't hiding it from you, and...that is a GOOD thing.
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It's gotten to the point where I have had to cut off contact with them. I told them I need this time to try and repair what was done and to please respect my space while I do. But they keep badering me. Has anyone else experienced this with their family?
Yup similar. I told them that I appreciated their concerns after I listened to them, but that this is what I was doing, if they couldn't support me in that then I wouldn't talk to them about my marriage. And if they kept trying to then I wouldn't be around to listen in the future.
The point was I did listen to them, but then I told them what I needed from them. Support. They were happy to give it to me, they wanted to feel useful.
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Should I pull back a little and not be pursuing so much? This is a milestone birthday and I wanted it to be special for her.
my answer to the situational awareness issue from above:
It IS a milestone...and not one she seems to be interested in. If she doesn't want to make a big deal of it, she isn't going to be happy if anyone else does. Is that mid reading? No, just what you wrote. She doesn't seem interested in it, and some people aren't all that happy turning 40. It is a big deal but in a bad way.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
