Computer games are are sore point. It's OK for her to watch 4 hours of the Opra network 7pm to 11pm...but god forbid I go play COD or a computer or xbox game for half an hour.
This is the part where someone tells you that you're right, and that's not fair.
HOWEVER . . . the fairness is not the problem. The problem is that you're unhappy in your marriage. You see a problem. She really might not; even if she'd be happier not spending her whole night watching Oprah (much the same way a heroin addict would probably be happier not spending every night flying high) she probably doesn't think so; she may think she needs it.
Your videogames may be your way of connecting with friends, your way of staying out of the heat, your way of killing time, your way of avoiding intimacy with your wife, your way of displacing feelings of anger and resentment . . . .could be all or none of those.
The thing is, if you can't make changes for yourself unless you have a guarantee that your wife is going to reciprocate with a roughly equal change, you're doomed. You'll never be able to make any changes, because remember, her position right now is that your marriage is basically normal and OK--that the major problem the two of you have is YOUR perception that there's something wrong. Yes, she's wrong about that. No, it's not fair. It [censored]. But the way to decide whether to cut back on your gaming is to decide whether YOU would be happier, more fulfilled, more complete doing something else for at least part of that time.
I tried to lose weight to make my wife want me. Didn't work. I lost over 100 pounds, got discouraged when the novelty attraction wore off and she went back to freeze mode (because I hadn't really understood what I was doing) and gained it all back. This time I'm losing weight for my own reasons. I'm going to go skydiving when I get below the maximum weight at my chosen school. I'm going to be comfortable on an airliner at New Year's. I'm going to go back to BJJ and earn my blue belt. And yes, I admit it, I do want to be more attractive to women, but that's women, not just her. If our current renaissance goes sour and I ever conclude that she's just not that into me, if I have to walk away, I'll take my new body with me. I love her, I want her, I'm happy that we're finding so much more intimacy now, but my 180 is for me. If she's more attracted to a guy who did something about getting into shape, great! If she's not, somebody will be.
There is a very real possibility that your wife will, like my wife, sort of wake up and realize that you are finding ways to enjoy life, and that she wants to be part of that. But you can't know before you start. You have to figure out what your 180 needs to be.
Have you read the Sex-Starved Marriage? I forget. I finally got my wife to go to marriage counseling with me (Over three years into this process, counting from when I read SSM, and only after I'd completely given up on that possibility--after she'd been going to an individual therapist for about six months and I was starting to shop for my own.) Last week, at our second session, I mentioned that I'd read The Sex-Starved Marriage. The MC's comment was, "Well, she made a lot of money, all right." I wasn't mad at him, but I did tell him honestly, "Hey, look, I realize you're a professional and you might not love these self-help books, but reading that book let me know that I wasn't alone, it gave me things to try when I was ready to give up, and when she read the first chapter it was like she finally understood what I'd been telling her about my suffering for years. It wasn't marriage counseling, but if I hadn't read it and applied it, I never would have gotten her to come to a marriage counselor. It took over three years as it was."
