Join the club man! There are A LOT of guys and gals on this board trying to figuer out how to fix the HD/ND issue. I am there with you, I thought SSM was written about MY marriage.
Just like your situation, as my wife had children, she stopped being "Lovers" and became "Mommy". The desire also faded a little more after each birth. IT NEVER CAME BACK. Unfortunately, childbirth is one of the MAJOR reasons for losing desire, and I thought it was due to the hectic times of early childhood, NOT!! 8 years after the birth of our last child, my wife is more fridgid then EVER. As the books all say, womens hormones cause her to lose interest in sex (TEMPORARILY) after birthing chidren. Unfortunately, many womens temporary decline becomes PERMANENT. I have read where 90% of all women will have lose of sexual desire in their lifetime, and for 40-45% of all women, this lose will be PERMANENT. NOT GOOD FOR US GUYS. 1/3 of all men will lose their sex drives in their lifetime as well, so it is not confined to one sex.
SO where to go from here:
#1) Read All you can about the subject. #2) Work to become the WBH (World's Best Husband). #3) Pray #4) BE VERY PATIENT. #5) PRAY SOME MORE. It is very easy to start hating your wife for losing her desire, to hate God for ruining your marriage, to hate yourself for failing her, to hate your kids for CAUSING some of the decline, etc.. This is an UNBELIEVEABLE test for a HD male to go through. I know I find myself looking at women all the time now as REPLACEMENTS for my wife, and I HATE THIS. Your wife promises you to be the SOLE source of your Sexual Fullfillment, and then they close up shop. So here us HD guys are left with NO POSSIBLE WAY TO HAVE OUR NEEDS MET. And the purpose of marriage is to MEET YOUR SPOUSES NEEDS in a manner that can please both spouses. As a man, I know how difficult it is for me to meet my wifes needs for conversation and family commmitment cause relationships issues are NOT my strong point. And yet I think that the hardest need of all to meet, is the need for sexual fullfillment when you are a ND women, as there is not much within you to drive you down that path. THe trick here is to somehow explain the importance of physical touch to your wife, and get her to understand it, and then to do something about it. Until SHE gets that far, not much is going to happen. Good luck, most of us never get them this far. Until SHE understands the TRUE importance of physical touch to you, there really ARE NO SOLUTIONS to your problem.
