New to the forum.

[Lonely in SLC]

Sandi,

I just wanted to thank you for your insight. It definitely helps hearing the perspective of an unbiased individual. Please keep writing.

I have had plenty of time to ponder events that led up to my wife wanting to separate from me. This is important to me because I need to learn and grow from my mistakes. At first I could not understand anything. I have always been faithful, provide a good lifestyle for my family, and was always with my family.

I say always, but this may not be entirely true. True, I was physically in the house, but my mind and energy towards my family was not. You see, my life became very stressful a couple of years before. Let’s just say the demands of work and church got to me. I had a hard time dealing with this stress, and depression hit. It was not until last month that I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance; to be more specific, my body is not producing enough serotonin. My wife became frustrated with me not interacting enough with both her and the kids. You can say that I took my wife, my marriage, and my family for granted. I never realized that love is like a fruit tree. In order to taste its goodness, you must first prune and water it. I hope everyone understands this analogy. Let’s just say, lesson learned.

Another issue that led us here was how we argued. My wife raises her voice when she is mad. When I get angry I say hurtful things. I always had the belief that "almost anything goes" during an argument. Shortly after any argument, I would move on like nothing has happened. I got what I needed off of my chest, and I felt better. Little did I realize the poisonous effects that lasted with her.

Lately I felt like she was nagging me for everything. Not helping enough with the house and not paying enough attention to her and the kids.I would try to ignore the yelling until it got to the point that "If you want to argue, we will argue. You started it, but I will end it." I would begin yelling right back.

The proverbial straw that broke the camels back happened back in November. Normal argument like the one above happens again. I get in her face and start yelling back. She then slaps me hard. I have never hit a woman, nor will I, but it was not fair that she could hit me. I called her a b**** and whore. She went to the bedroom and locked the door.

But I was not finished with the argument. To continue the arguement with her, I broke in the door. Regretably this all happened in front of our kids. If I could turn back the clock, I would.

To be honest, I can't truly remember what the argument was truly about, just the consequences of not handling it right. The saying "Choose your battles wisely" haunts me. It was March that she said her love for me was dead.

It has been an eye opener to realize how little time I spent engaged with my family. What would I give to have another chance. I miss my family...

One little good note is that she says she has noticed that I seem to be a better Father. It has not been difficult. I now want to give my family the world!!!