Something to add to this from as a mom, I have a hard time switching from "mommy mode" to "sexy self mode" and it's definitly a transition, often one I have to do consiously, which took me a while to figure out, and sometimes I fight myself on it. I want to be sexy, feel sexy, want to want to make love, want my H to know how much I love him and want him, want him to feel it, and here's the kicker of insanity, and I just don't WANT to. grrr
sounds like your wife in her mind was NOT rejecting you, she may well have just fizzled due to exahustion, happy but physiologically unable to do more. (especially with the baby stuff going on) I must confess to being tired just reading about that party and her subsequent action of sleep, natural and consistant with the situation. As a wife who sometimes does this hot to fizzle instead of sizzle response, my teasing and playfullness is an expression of love and desire, and sharing that moment of awareness sizzle even if it might not last, because at that moment I DO feel it, and my H has the right to that info., and its plain FUN. Often my hopes are up too, I'm not building him up just to leave him high and dry, I want that love connection to and my darn body just isn't cooperating and getting with the program. There also can be the feeling of its ok we'll finnish up later. (sadly later often doesn't happen) It's not that it isn't important, it just isn't urgent and there's always plenty of time to get around to it tomorrow. (yes I know this isn't true, but the feeling is there and insidious) She probably really doesn't understand that you feel so rejected, when the message she's conveying is that of love appreciation and attraction.
GET the 5 Love languages, ENORMOUSLY helpful She may see some of the stuff you are doing as "decent wonderful human being" not I feel sexy- loved- wanted. Also talk to her, tell her what you are doing and why. I was stunned to find out that when my H takes the kids and lets me sleep that he on purpose trying to make my life easier and better. Not the message I got, which was one of abandonment, indifference, that I wasn't worth his time and attention.
DATE HER!! every week! Seperate from moan complain worry and disscuss the kids finances relationship etc.. time. Make a plan together, spend that time appreciating the good stuff, compliment each other, find fun with each, explore interests. Take the time to learn about each other now, new insights. Both of you figure out what types of specific actions promote feelings of connectedness.
You have to let her know that this leaves you seriously vunlerable to an affair or at sometime deciding you don't want to be married, that it isn't worth it. STRESS to her that you WANT HER not someone else, not a life without her, but this is the path you are headed down and don't want to be on. Let her know that you hate being vunlnerable, that you want to be able to know you will turn down inappropriate invitations, because your needs are met. Not do something utterly stupid in a moment of weakness, where oppertunity meets need- meets indifference or rebellion. surefire recipe for disaster and irrevokable harm. It's much much easier to stop before anything starts. Its also much easier to heal/fix little hurts and problems before they become big ones. Not to minimize, it is a big deal. Its just that our sneaky back brains will find ways to meet our needs in ways that hurt us ultimately, if we aren't careful and diligent and aware.
