Maybe this is the start of my dropping the rope. One one hand, I think I have not given this enough time to see where it is going. On the other hand, it seems like a hopeless situation; one where I should just cut our losses.
Exactly. What to do? However, I find myself doing the 'what-if' mind bender. If we cut our losses, and are wrong, we have lost a tremendous portion of our lives. Giving it time seems to be the wisest option. When time is up, we should know it, no?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Giving it time is the advice I keep seeing, and it is, logically, the correct choice (Thank you, Mr. Spock).
But then I think, "I'm not getting any younger..."
And...how do I feel about spending the rest of my marriage life with a woman who has dragged me through the mud the way she has?
I don't know how you've gone as long as you have with the crap you've endured, AC, but I admire your stones.
We each have our own personal breaking point Telemark. Only you can decide when you have reached your's. I will say that, from what I know, you haven't given your sitch much time. Time and patience are the keys to this (not that I'm always good with it though!).
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Weekend was enjoyable; went to the ball game Friday night, out for dinner and live music Saturday night and dinner & movie - "X-Men: First Class" - with S and D yesterday. Actually did not see W, her nephew and his GF all weekend until last night when I got home from Fathers' Day dinner. Nephew and GF were polite and pleasant as we said hello...W acted like I was not even there. I should expect nothing from her, but her coolness toward me was somewhat surprising.
Glad to hear you had a good weekend GAL'ing Telemark.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
A few minutes later W pulled out the Scrabble game and invited nephew and GF to play; another zinger since W and I played Scrabble a lot during the good days of our M. I went upstairs and spent the evening in my room reading and thinking...
Yeah, that's pretty tough to deal with.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
We were two dysfunctional people from dysfunctional families and dysfunctional marriages who found each other and thought we were the answers to each other's prayers. We went too fast with everything, not stopping to really look at each other or ourselves. It was not long after we said "I do" that the wheels started to come off. I thought about the little signs of trouble that kept appearing, the added stress of dealing with a special-needs child and my own faults and insecurities.
And for the first time, I realized that W probably felt trapped from day one. That realization, coupled with her current attitude toward me, make me think there is very little hope of saving this R. If she didn't love me the way a wife should love her husband in the 9 1/2 years we were married, what could possibly happen that would cause her to love me now?
And even if she did agree to stay, I would always wonder if it was out of a sincere desire to make it work, or a sense of resigned guilt and obligation. She hid her true feelings very well for years; she could probably continue to do that into the future.
I don't know. Maybe this is the start of my dropping the rope. One one hand, I think I have not given this enough time to see where it is going. On the other hand, it seems like a hopeless situation; one where I should just cut our losses.
It sounds to me you are at the point where you are going to have to tear it all down and start over, or at least that would the ideal situation. Even if she was willing to work on it right now, it would be too soon and I don't like your odds for making it work. She needs to take her journey right now. This may be the best opportunity to get your M where it should be, but it's a rough path.
Took everything I had just to get through today. A lot of sadness & depression accompanied by the ache in the pit of the stomach. Feels like the Day of the Bomb all over again. Don't know why I was fixated on W and the sitch, but I couldn't stop thinking about her and what she's doing to our M.
Tonight she is at a baseball game w/ her company; I'm home w/ SS. Fortunately I'm away tomorrow night and Saturday for an out-of-town gig, which means playing music in good company, a little extra cash in the pocket and distancing myself from my angst. I'll try very hard to not think about W enjoying her EA with me out of the house.
Tomorrow is another day.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Fortunately I'm away tomorrow night and Saturday for an out-of-town gig, which means playing music in good company, a little extra cash in the pocket and distancing myself from my angst. I'll try very hard to not think about W enjoying her EA with me out of the house.
Tomorrow is another day.
Concentrate on this, Telemark. I think this will help.
Tele: Hang in there. Thanks for your comments on my sitch. I am having some bad days, as you are. We need to hang in there. Work on ourselves. Keep the faith in ourselves. We married women we loved. Somewhere that person is still there, just buried deeply, I think.
We have to give it time, and keep on our paths. Keep on our paths until we simply cannot do it anymore. Sometimes that time seems like now, but deep down we both know it is not. People here tell us time is our friend. I hope they are right. I am not ready to throw in the towel. It ain't fun, but it has to happen, I think. One day at a time, my friend, one day at a time.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
