Harrier

[Harrier]

No new updates or anything, but I am struggling with a few things.

Most days are really good. We work well as a teams, have fun, etc.

We've had a couple temperature check talks. I get depressed about the whole situation we find ourselves in - My W does too, but keeps it to herself mostly.

A few things have come from our talks and I don't know how to take them.

1. She flat out said she doesn't want to sex right now. While that does suck, I understand and I did ask her so as not to secretly think she might ask in the near future. She said a lot of it is her issue

2. She also told me that doesn't feel the same towards me. I mean she's not a teenager in love anymore. She loves me, she thinks I'm a great dad, she likes me, she respects me but acknowledges there are issue between us as married couple. She isn't quite ready to work on this, but will in the future.

3. She finally agreed to go see an IC for some of her issue. I'm glad and scared at the same time. I know some of these ICs have NOT helped the situation.

4. She told me that she doesn't want to get divorced and is terrified at the prospect. But she wouldn't want to stay in a marriage that didn't work either. She said divorce is an option out there, but no one knows for sure. I disagree on this. I don't think it has to be an option.

I really think she has this fantasy about us being great friends after the divorce, if it should happen. She did agree that it's Pollyanna-ish view on things.

5. She keeps saying that I should also take a good look on what I want and if I can live with in this marriage. She said that I want reassurance from her and she can't give me that right now.

6. She did say the last few weeks have been great and really helped her see me better. I think she appreciates me a lot more than a few months ago.

7. She said she wanted to make sure we move at the right speed or slower and not try to hurry things along. I get that, but after I turned 40 I'm starting to see my own mortality.

Overall I don't know what to think. there is a lot of positive, but then I tend to focus on the negatives. But I do see a lot people in newcomers who would gladly trade situations.