It's kinda confusing. No one has moved out yet, but my W is pretty adamant about it. We are basically taking our time for various reason - financial and personal.
Neither one of us has any family near, so we have to kinda work on this a little.
Believe me, you tale is one that I will keep in mind. If we are both working on the M and ourselves we should be in no rush to move back. I will have lease so that will kinda restrict things.
Luckily my W has always been willing to do her part in this (not at my speed), but she does.
i really think she's watching me to see if things stick. it's been almost 3 weeks since the phone fiasco which spurred the moving out thing.
the only thing about no drama is that your post aren't exciting and no one wants to respond to boring.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
No new updates or anything, but I am struggling with a few things.
Most days are really good. We work well as a teams, have fun, etc.
We've had a couple temperature check talks. I get depressed about the whole situation we find ourselves in - My W does too, but keeps it to herself mostly.
A few things have come from our talks and I don't know how to take them.
1. She flat out said she doesn't want to sex right now. While that does suck, I understand and I did ask her so as not to secretly think she might ask in the near future. She said a lot of it is her issue
2. She also told me that doesn't feel the same towards me. I mean she's not a teenager in love anymore. She loves me, she thinks I'm a great dad, she likes me, she respects me but acknowledges there are issue between us as married couple. She isn't quite ready to work on this, but will in the future.
3. She finally agreed to go see an IC for some of her issue. I'm glad and scared at the same time. I know some of these ICs have NOT helped the situation.
4. She told me that she doesn't want to get divorced and is terrified at the prospect. But she wouldn't want to stay in a marriage that didn't work either. She said divorce is an option out there, but no one knows for sure. I disagree on this. I don't think it has to be an option.
I really think she has this fantasy about us being great friends after the divorce, if it should happen. She did agree that it's Pollyanna-ish view on things.
5. She keeps saying that I should also take a good look on what I want and if I can live with in this marriage. She said that I want reassurance from her and she can't give me that right now.
6. She did say the last few weeks have been great and really helped her see me better. I think she appreciates me a lot more than a few months ago.
7. She said she wanted to make sure we move at the right speed or slower and not try to hurry things along. I get that, but after I turned 40 I'm starting to see my own mortality.
Overall I don't know what to think. there is a lot of positive, but then I tend to focus on the negatives. But I do see a lot people in newcomers who would gladly trade situations.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
But I do see a lot people in newcomers who would gladly trade situations.
They'd be fools.
You did the hard work to get here; and that perpares you for this. More people should tend their own yard than wish for their neighbors.
It IS hard to not focus on the negatives, even when there are alot of positives.
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She said that I want reassurance from her and she can't give me that right now.
Postive in there...right now. I know it sounds all negative, but you can train yourself to see the positive.
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She did say the last few weeks have been great and really helped her see me better. I think she appreciates me a lot more than a few months ago.
That whole time and conistency thing...after just a few weeks. Wonder what might change in just a few short months?
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She said she wanted to make sure we move at the right speed or slower and not try to hurry things along. I get that, but after I turned 40 I'm starting to see my own mortality.
Or...to sum it up.
You understand, but you want it now.
Harrier,
You are looking to rebuild a marriage,(and this is an analogy...so feel free to blow it apart) Do you want fast and shoddy work, or slow and well built? One of those templates will weather time better.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
There are no shortcuts. I guess I should be glad that at least one of us see it. If both of us jumped in feet first, it might not end well. (Okay, I think if she wanted to move fast I might be the one slowing down, I was always the more pragmatic one)
My W chased me for 5 months before I decided to go out with her. Good thing she didn't give up after a few weeks.
I think fear is a large part of this.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
