Come to find out from some friends and family that made numerous phone calls to me yesterday that she spent the day at the river with some less quality people that she doesnt really know. She spent the day drinking with them. She posted over 50 pictures to facebook showing her drinking and pics she took of men with their rear ends showing. The people that called me were very upset as they have kids and w if facebook friends with them and their kids. Without a doubt she posted the pics to facebook just to get me to respond. I did not respond to them and did not call her about it. If my kids happen to see pics of their mom doing the things she was doing, then they will have to make their own judgement call, and if they ask me, I will let them know that is what mom wants in her life right now, and it does not stop us from being a family. My D14 was a bit upset on saturday as she did not hear from her mom until mid day. She called her and d14 asked what she was doing and she said she was hanging out with a friend, a girlfriend that w really never liked but it makes sense as this girl is a party type. D14 told me that she didnt understand why w would go do that instead of spending time with her and her brothers today. I explained to her that mom has her issues right now, which are the same reason why she walked out the day she did. It does not change how I feel and I will always be here for you. S12 did not make any comments on w missing both of his games, but i know it did. Saturday afternoon was a tough day for me, as the thoughts of her being out drinking with friends and no doubt numerous men. D14 seemed to know I was having a rough day and made attempts to hug on me. I wasnt crying, but i know she could tell. I always tell her not to hide her emotions and to let them out, so I think if I cant show mine that how can i expect for her to do the same. W finally called d14 back around 10 on saturday night to ask what time s12 game was on father's day. She replied and hung up the phone. I told d to make sure she expresses her feelings to her mom and that I could not do it for her. I told her it was very important to do so. Sunday morning, Father day, I got a text from W.Happy Father's day and what time is s12 game today. I did not respond back, she then tried to call me a few minutes later and did not answer. I told kids that today was my day with them and did not want or expect any types of gifts. This was an issue because d14 told her mom by text earlier on sat that if she could find time to get away from her friends she would like her to take her to the store to get dad something for fathers day. W took 5 hours to respond to d14 and told her she would get dad something and not to be a smartass on the phone. It amazes me how w could say that to her knowing she was upset. back to sunday moringin she again tried to call 3 more times and i did not answer. The kids and i got in my truck to head to ball game and s8 wanted to play with my phone, while doing so she called again and s8 answered the phone. w asked him where dad was and he handed me the phone, I had to talk as I didnt want to show the kids my anger to her. She asked me why I wasnt answering the phone, i told her it was my dad with my kids and did not want to talk. So i hung up the phone. She texted me back a few later and asked what my problem was. I did not respond back. She then text asking me what size pants I now wore. I text her back with the reply " I have what I want for fathers day, please do not waste your time or money.
She then attempted 3 more times to call me and did not answer. She then called d14 and asked where dad was. d14 replied that dad is driving and does not want to talk. She began to yell at d14 and I grabbed the phone from her and asked w shat she wanted. She replied, what did I do to make you mad at me, and I replied "think about friday night when you missed s12 game, think about sat morning when you missed again. Think about d14 wanting you to take her shopping. Now please do not call me back I am spending my day with my kids. and again I hung up the phone. She text me the first time on sunday morning at 8:01, which makes me think that she had alarm set for 8. She without a doubt felt guilt as she always does after drinking and partying all day. When she got to the ball game, she didnt make any comments or apologies to s12 about missing games. Sat in the stands by d14 and didnt have much to say to her either. after game, she came to me and asked if we were leaving ball field or staying and i said leaving. I think she wanted me to reply where we were going and I didnt do it. She wanted to know if I was taking kids to my brothers house. did not give in and drove away. She always looks sad and depressed when she comes to games.
Saturday her cousin called me and told me about friday night while they were out eating. W make comment to cousin that I was lost weight, taking shower every night, sleeping in bed, and getting out to bar room. W told her it only makes her mad, and if I could have done that while we were still together she would have not left me. I know this is bs as she left with OM, and all those things i was changing before she left. Told her she would never go back home and she didnt care what my changes were. Well I figured if it didnt matter to her then she wouldnt have called me friday night asking about it.
I went to facebook this morning to see the pics to see if I needed to take action for my kids not to see the pics. She already deleted the pics. Again she posted them to get an reaction out of me and I didnt give in. Sad that she is doing this, for a person that had it all with her family, to act the way she is now. I know it would have to be easier for her to come to me and ask for forgivness, but in her mind she it not at that point and maybe never be. that is why I am moving forward with my life for me and my kids.
It makes me sad that you are involving your kids in all of this. Why are you ignoring your wife's calls and text messages when they are about the kids? It only seems to be inflaming the situation.
The phone calls were not about the kids, she calls them on their cell phones when she wants to talk. My D14 did not get any calls from her that morning. The calls and text had nothing to do with kids. My kids are doing great through all of this, as I have made sure not to be negative about w and support her infront of them. She only called d14 after a few hours of not getting a response from me. when she did I took the phone from d14 and politely spoke with her on the phone with kids present. I always make sure to answer her text and phone calls when it comes to issues with the kids.
Starsky, sorry maybe i didnt clarify that properly when I posted.
The phone calls were not about the kids, she calls them on their cell phones when she wants to talk. My D14 did not get any calls from her that morning. The calls and text had nothing to do with kids.
Originally Posted By: take/2
Sunday morning, Father day, I got a text from W.Happy Father's day and what time is s12 game today. I did not respond back
I have been dark since the day she walked out, I am very responsive to her in front of kids at ball games. I tell her bye when she leaves and they are present. Not once have I sad one bad word or comment about her. I tell them when they ask, that mom is going through some things in her life right now, and we can only keep loving her and pray everyday that she battles through what she is dealing with. A friend asked me last night, if she is been gone for 30 days now, and she felt she left for the right reasons and was happy doing so, why does she call and text you so much. Great question!! I do not call her, text her, and when I am around her do not start any converstaions with her. I cant continue to be available to her unless its with issues of kids. I have to detach and give in to her little pieces of bait she throws out there everyday. It only sets me back, and I have to move forward. If what she left behind is worth fighting for then she will have to prove that at this point. The only thing if i make first move is for her to shut me down and then I will have to start over from what I accomplished over the past 30 days. I know she is not ready yet, my db coach told me last week, that same thing. W needs to continue to feel the remorse and the missing of what she had. Need to continue the part of being on her own and decide if that is better than what she had. Patience is key in her opinion, and to look for small signs of her moving closer to me. She has shown many signs if you go back and read my post. But I know at this point I have to stick to my guns and continue to stay dark, but respectful for my kids. I am never mean to her, I never raise my voice on phone or in public. Sometimes I wonder if I should take the risk of asking her what is going on with her, but I am so afraid of what she will say. It seems she is sad, and scared and knows she made a mistake. But I have to be careful for me and my kids right now.
By her actions since she left, out drinking all the time, not wanting to spend a lot of time with kids. One day she is acting like she loves me and the next deleting me from facebook and being eratic. Her behavior right now, is not good for me and kids, she will have to come to a point of full remorse and start fighting for what she lost. The small signs, are only to try to get me to come closer to her, but will she ever learn from her mistakes and what she did, if I just let her off the hook. For me and my kids that is a huge risk as she will have no issues of doing it again in the future, if she knows I will just let her come and go as she pleases. I cant put my kids through that again.
I understand, but she did not care about his games on friday and saturday and made no attempt to find out about those games. S12 and D14 both have phones and she always, always calls them or text them to find out what time games are. I asked both of them Sunday morning if Mom know what time the games were and they said they have not heard from her. Also when d14 talked to her sat night, d14 told her that game was at 9:30 on sunday morning. Please understand that she feels an extreme amount of guilt and always has when she spend the day or night out drinking.
I do understand. I just don't think it's emotionally healthy (for your kids) for the two of you to be communicating THRU them. You need to learn to be able to carry on a civil, respectful co-parenting dynamic even if you are not together as a married couple. I see you acting out a lot thru the kids in your posts.
The kids are going to her apt tonight, they will not be spending the night and I will pick them up later. I am having a tough time of it today as I miss her and want badly to reach out to her. It seems everytime I get near her and she has that look of dispair and sadness it makes me feel that she wants me to reach out. I just dont know what to do at times. I know deep in her she feels she made a mistake, but I also know that she is afraid and worried what others will think right now as she just moved out a month ago.
Is staying dark the right answer for now, I wish I could get some advise. She is showing the little signs as far as questioning about going out and the touchy feely stuff of late. But if she thinks I am moving past her by being dark, am I taking a risk of losing her forever. IF she was the one that walked out for OM which is not in picture anymore, should I be the one at this point to reach out. I dont think so, but I hope to get some feedback.
