XYZ is here, but I won't be staying...

[XYZ]

Thanks, H. I sometimes get that calm, peace and "it'll be alright" feeling too. I know what you mean. I love it when it comes...

[XYZ]

3 points for me. I may still be down by a million, with seconds to go in the fourth quarter, but I got 3 points tonight--and that always feels good.

On Monday's I pick up the kids and drop them off at W's. Normally she'd be home already. Got TM "running late will be there shortly, sorry", I reply "I get how it can be. No problem". Her about 15 minutes later: "Thanks for that. Almost there." (BTW, me bitching about her work was always one of our "things"). Point 1.

When she gets there, she asks me if I can show her how to press the reset button on the garbage disposal. Sure. I do, but no workie - it's jammed. I get under the sink, pop it off, 15 minutes later works like new - very Manly of me! Her, "thank you for fixing that". Point 2.

As soon as it's fixed, I'm taking off. No need to hang out, got places to go (and I really do!). But first, "hey mind if I grab my hiking boots from upstairs before I go?" - Her: "no problem". VERY mysterious of me! (and I am, for real, going hiking this weekend - no games here). Point 3.

I hug and kiss kids, say "later" to W and take off without hanging around. Whole time-frame maybe 25 minutes from the time she walked in. Now if I could just score 3 points EVERY 25 minutes, I'd be home by lunchtime tomorrow! lol... Not holding my breath, one point at a time.

[XYZ]

Dinner with Kids and W tonight after D5's karate class (per W's invite that I had to "think about"). Bought a new shirt in a somewhat different style from my norm. Wearing cologne. Just went to the gym to get a bit of a pump going. Getting my fun/funny attitude working. Man, I'm going to be one sexy beast -- well, at least between my ears, that is. If she doesn't want me, maybe I can pick up a waitress. lol.


Last 24-36 hours have been good. What's the worst thing that could happen to me - she going to divorce me or something? Oh well, that bomb already exploded.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

XYZ,

A secret?

If MY wife doesn't want me, there are a ton of women who would.

That is coming from a happily married guy. How happy?

I did this once. Everyone gets one big screw up. I love her, and I got the been to hell tee-shirt to prove it. : )

[XYZ]

Jack - So I mentioned that I dated a bit after I moved out. I've stopped that and taken down my profiles. Why? I was never ready to date and didn't even want to, but I HAD to prove to myself that I wound't die alone. Know what I found out? I'm one hell of a catch. There are TONS and TONS of women that will date me. I had no trouble at all and that includes the 80% that wouldn't touch a "separated" guy. If/when I'm divorced (and ready), I will have my choice of women. Once I realized that, my fear (a la Harrier's thread - and H, I'm sure this applies to you as well) evaporated.

I've decided that I don't want another woman. I want W. I may not get her, but I'm not ready to quit. Not even close.

[XYZ]

J3B - You told me once that I should become my own hero. I will, but my second and third choices will be you and MitterMan. One day, I promise I'm buying you a beer. Of course, I'd have to know your name and where you live and that may be a challenge, but if I can survive this whole thing I'm sure that would be a piece of cake.

[direction1]

XYZ-love it, man. Wow, you seem to have a similar sense of humor as I do and an almost identical frame of mind as I have right now. Really just started feeling the shift last week when I REALLY started goin' dark and the 180's for me..not her. It just feels so empowering and so right w/o being mean, etc. Keep on moving bro. It's amazing how much support and real life stories to relate to, here. Cheers!

[XYZ]

D1 - Me too. What was it about last week? My mindset now: (1) I want W, but that's not up to me (2) Nothing to lose so get the hell over what I can't control (3) GAL and have fun (4) Be Dim - after all, why would I reach out to somebody that threw me to the curb? (5) If she notices, that's cool, I may give her another chance. (6) Happiness (and love) work in this order: decide, do, feel. Not the other way around despite what W says. This game is not over, but I've won.

[direction1]

X, you know, I think you learn by doing. And, from being who I really am; confident, friendly, fit, handsome(inside and out) knowing & believing I deserve nothing but the best, laughing, being unreasonably happy--check out the book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior. Not being pompous, just happy and fun-lovng, ya know. I too, love my wife and do want her back, but not who she is right now. Life is good even in the face of mine being turned on it's head. I'm piecing together for the world to see--whether w is in it or not. think I read somewhere on here, in order to truly live life, it first must be shattered.

[XYZ]

Home from dinner. All-n-all I'd have to give it an A-. I was fun, funny, happy guy. Looked good, felt good, ordered something new (that even got a comment from W, "that's not what you usually get") Generally good conversation with W. Lots of eye contact. She asked about my work and I talked about it in detail (that was always a big deal for us, me not discussing my work). Asked about her work and family. Made some jokes. Even got a few smiles from her. Good times.

Only one even close to R item: She asked about my how my brother was doing. He's much younger and newly married. I relaid a conversation I had with him about him working too much (he's a lawyer and works 6 or 7 days a week). I told him how work has been a major issue for me in my marriage and that if I could go back I would trade places in a second and work a normal schedule so that I could be with my wife. Work just isn't worth it. W replied "he doesn't get it, does he?" Me: "I don't think so, but I wish he'd listen to me and learn the lessons I've had to learn the hard way". That was the closest anything came to an R discussion.

Only negatives where: little background first, last time D5 stayed with me she asked if I missed mommy. I replied "yes, I miss her every day". Maybe not the best answer, but honest and spur of the moment. Well apparently she shared that with W. Towards the end of dinner, D5 says "daddy, mommy says she doesn't miss you". W jumped in to explain that D5 told about the conversation and she was trying to just not confuse her. Well, ok, but that stuck like a kick to the ribs. I recovered quickly, though.

Only other negative was that W was on her BlackBerry pretty constantly working with a patient in crisis - that was the biggest (by far) issue that I had with her and probably the thing that brought everything to a head. She didn't even try to give the appearance of that changing. I just ignored it like it wasn't going on.

Lastly, kids VERY clingy when I left. Multiple kisses, hugs, "we don't want you to leave daddy", etc. How any PERSON could see this and not feel it is beyond me, but somehow W at least gave the appearance that she didn't mind it, although she told kids "we'll call daddy after bath" - that'll be in about 10 minutes. Maybe she has a glimmer of heart left in her.

I have no expectations, but it'll be nice to see if there's any followup on her part. I'll go back to be dim. As Sparky has said "catnip is sniffed, it does't do the sniffing".

Otherwise all good.