Ok, I have a question. As I've said before, I'm not religious, but I am spiritual. I do believe in God and I do believe that God has a plan. Too much has happened in my life for it to have been "accidental". That's just me, I don't judge if you believe differently. Now my question....
I pray often for W's healing, and hopefully, our reconciliation. Sometimes I ask God for a sign to fuel me so that I can keep going and working. Sometimes I feel like I get that sign...maybe it's a ray of sunshine that pops from the clouds just as I ask for a sign. Today, it was a date that cancelled on me seconds after I asked God if I should stop trying to move on and recommit to healing my marriage. Who knows what it could be. Here's my issue, (a) are these really signs or (b) do I make them up in my head because I want a sign? In other words would I just see a red traffic light and say "see God wants me to stop" or a green one and say "see God wants me to go"? Or are they real? It's enough to boggle the mind...
I used to believe in some sort of sign, but for the most part I think they are not significant. I'm not super religious and my situation hasn't changed my religious habits like it does to a lot of LBS's here. I mean If I wanted God in my life more, I'd hope I'd want him when times are good, not just when I have a crisis.
But that is just me and if they work for you then there really is no harm in getting some of that encouragement as I see it. I often do jokey stuff like Magic 8-Ball, horoscopes, next song on the radio, etc.
I won't begrudge you the sign seeking.
The only time I did have something close to a religious experience was about 6 years ago. My W and I were having a some difficulty conceiving our first son. So we were trying for a while and we went home for Christmas to visit or families. We didn't tell anyone about the issues.
I was in church on X-mas eve and I was thinking about our problem. I was getting pretty bummed out. So I was just standing there thinking then out of the blue a sense of calm washed over me and I got the feeling I was getting a message that said, "Everything will be alright."
It was strange and it put me at peace with things.
Christmas morning, my W and I are lying in bed at my moms house talking before the madness starts. She looks at me and tells me she pregnant. Everything was alright.
Now I don't know if it was me picking up on unconscious signals from my W, or my psyche's way of dealing with the stress of everything or it really was divine thought.
but in the end, It didn't really matter.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
